A Lullaby to Soothe the Demons Within
by fujinakaheero
Summary: We're broken people, trying to find what they call normal. I wonder if we'll ever get it right? Post-mockingjay, Pre-epilogue. Starts off slow, but it's getting good in the later chapters, promise. Story is better than summary.
1. Ch 1: Mockingbird

A/N: Hello there! This is my first Hunger Games fan fiction. I really don't know if it'll be that good, it won't be a super long story, maybe a few chapters are best. This takes place between the last chapter and the epilogue in Mockingjay. Not much will be changed from the story and I hope to keep the in character, they may be slightly OOC a times, I don't know. There will be a lemon eventually. Not sure when it will be, it all depends on how long I make this. Not super original, not when there's so many other stories about this time frame, but oh well. I wanted to write my own version.

Anyways, leave reviews if you happen to read this. I always like to hear from the people who do read my stories. And enjoy!

-Also, don't expect them to just know things in this story, they're young, 19/20 at best and they never really experienced a relationship before. I'm basing this a lot of my own relationship which i've been in for eight years now. It was also both of our first and only relationship we've had and we still are trying to get things right. I'm tired of reading stories where, for whatever reaosn, they just know things and don't mess up at all. They wouldn't be like that. So hopefully this is a more realistic side to the time in between.

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><p><strong>A Lullaby to Soothe the Demons Within<strong>

**Chapter 1**

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><p><em><em>Katniss' POV<em>_

_One Year Later (Pre-Epilogue_)

How many times did I tell you I've loved you since that day, when you asked me if it was real or not real? Days have passed and with each one that goes by us, I still feel like telling you those three words again. Maybe it's to reassure you that I was genuine with those feelings, or perhaps I'm still trying to convince myself of my own feelings. I'm never sure. You always smile though when I murmur those words to you and it comforts me a bit more each time when I see your eyes smile along. You know me better than I know myself, we both have known that for a while now. It was never a question but more of a task for me to admit that finally. Knowing that someone knew you so well can be slightly unnerving, especially when you weren't equipped to deal with the emotions that plagued you regularly, leaving you confused in their wake.

It's been a year since we came back to District Twelve. A year together, living in one home, sleeping in one bed, and sharing one life. Things were simple like that for us; we never make ripples that could cause us to fight. I was content with that, I think. I knew we would get married one day, maybe start a family afterward if I was ever willing to take that next step. Such an intimacy still scared me; when you have scars like mine, that you, yourself, couldn't even handle to look at, how could you expect to let anybody else see them? After going through the games, having so many people see you naked and get over it quickly, you'd think this really shouldn't be a challenge. Yet it was. Those scars had memories attached to them, memories I hated reliving. But my mind refused to let them go, which was so evident in my dreams; my nightmares. They reminded me of what I had lost. A best friend. My little sister. My last bit of stability and reason for living. That's why I allowed myself to cling to Peeta, he protected me, made me forget those memories while I slept, reminded me I at least still had him even though it was selfish. One bed. It benefited us both in the end. My presence calmed him and kept his nightmares at bay, while his presence did the same for me. I don't think that either of us were selfish for doing this, we had a silent understanding about it and if I did happen to wake up screaming from a nightmare on those odd nights, he'd wake up, wrap his lean arms around my shoulders, his head propped on one of his arms, letting his warm breath brush against the damp skin on neck and tell me that it wasn't our current reality, that it was the past. He never tries to tell me I'm fine, that what I had saw wasn't real, that I was safe because it would be a lie. My own mind was the cause of my problems, always replaying scenes from the games, the war, of Prim. I hated it. Yet here I am now, still breathing and still alive. He's become my anchor in this dark sea of nightmares, holding me down to the last bit of sanity I may have. I love him for that. I love him for many different reasons.

I feel bad for not giving him more support in return. After the hijacking he endured he still has moments when I'm unsure if it's him or not as his eyes lose their life and he stares out to something that isn't there. He hasn't hurt me, not since the day we got him back from the old capitol, the day he wrapped his leath, pale fingers around my neck, trying to take snuff out the life from my body. The day when his words had hurt the most. _Mutt_. They had brainwashed him to believe I was a mutation, that the me who was in front of him didn't really exist. It was horrifying to think of what they did to make him believe that, to see that when he had laid eyes on me. I had hated them for doing that to him. But after a year of therapy and treatment he was better, better than before anyways. He still had his own weekly sessions with the doctor over the phone.

He would talk about how he viewed me, always putting me in a brighter light than I really should have been. When he spoke of me, I always imagine a field of flowers around me, smiling so carelessly as I would run through the field, looking back at him to see if he was still following me. It was a dream that was beyond reach for us though. I could never imagine myself being so happy. Had I ever been that happy in life? I think so. When my father was still alive, while we were in the woods hunting and going to our special spot; away from the District and away from the life we were subjected to live because of the capitol. I felt bad for Peeta, I think he really believed one day our lives would get better and that the past would be the past, not haunting us every night as we dreamed. I don't think that would ever happen. But I wasn't as optimistic as he was when it concerned our future. He thought of having kids one day. I couldn't fathom such a thing happening. My mind set was the same as it was before the rebellion. Having kids meant losing them one day to the games. I know in the back of mind that it wasn't true, the games were done at least with the districts.

A new game was being made though. One for the capitol kids. Retribution for what the rest of us had endured for seventy-five years. Near deaths because of poor health, starvation, accidents while doing the jobs assigned to each district. Those people never knew what it was like to live that way. Fearing every year you would be reaped next to be in the games and if chosen you were walking to your death. They had the luxury of watching us each year with excitement. Picking who they thought would win and have a good laugh when one of us was killed off. They didn't know how terrifying it was to be in the arena. I wanted them to know. They needed to know how wrong it had been to make us fight to the death. This would be the first and only year that the capitol children would be in the games themselves. They were lucky we had been so kind. The president had decided it would be the same number of kids going in, twenty-four. Twenty-four of them would be chosen to go in and fight to the death. I know I should feel worst for ever voting yes, but my remorse for my own life and my family's was too great to allow me any feelings of guilt. Peeta and I never spoke about it. I knew he was still upset with me for breaking the tie breaker in favour of it happening. I knew where he was coming from but I was my own person and had my own feelings. I couldn't let his opinions play a factor into my own.

I've decided more recently I would stop living in regret for most of the things that have come and past. The main word being, most. I could never truly forgive some of the things that happened. The bomb that killed Prim. Gale. He still hasn't come back to District Twelve. I wonder if he ever will. I wouldn't be able to face him. I don't think he can face me either. I'm fine with that. It would be better if he stayed in District Two. It was where he belonged now.

I smile as I think about all the things I think about during the day. It seems like no matter if I'm awake or asleep my mind was still running a mile a minute. I finally look around, sitting up on the couch that's in our sitting room near the front of the house. We had decided to live in Peeta's house when he came back to District Twelve in the victor's village. The time I had spent by myself in my own house when I first came back had been near unbearable enough. I decided to not pass up the chance to leave it behind when he was the one to offer me a new space that didn't have such painful memories connected to it. There was just too much presence left behind from Prim and my mother.

It was mid afternoon now, Peeta would be home in a few hours. I wondered if I should do something. The house was spotless, I had cleaned this morning after Peeta left to go to the bakery. I hated being at home alone. Usually I went out to the woods to catch game, but I hadn't been feeling too well today and decided to stay home. I still had some game from yesterday in the icebox that we could use for dinner tonight. Peeta was usually the one who cooked, I would do the small things that didn't involve me really handling the cooking part of the meal. I found out I burn things a lot.

I look around the spacious room once more, my eyes staring past the room, into another memory. Peeta and I had been curled together in our bed a few days ago when he asked if we were a couple. I had thought that was obvious, with everything we shared, with the many times a day I would tell him I loved him, that by now there would be no questions. We kissed and we would caress each other's skin on odd occasions, not that it went any further than that. We were both inexperienced in that part of adulthood, neither of our parents had really explained much of what a man and woman do when they are together and after they marry. They had said that we would find out when that time came. I was merely confused at the time when my mother had told me that. I knew little of it, most of it being that it involved being naked, bare and there was a lot of touching. Such things scared me more than most things did. Yet that night, Peeta seemed some reassurance again. I had caressed his cheek with the palm of my hand as I whispered to him that we were. And again I told him once more that I loved him. It was really the only thing I was good at saying without screwing up. We both knew he was the one who had a way with words, not me. I felt his cheeks puff a bit as he smiled to me in the dark. He never said any more that night. But I had been confused at why he would ask me that now.

I come back to my current surroundings and decide I need to get out of the house, sickness be damned, I needed out of this stuffy house. I grab my heavy winter jacket off the coat rack by the door and tie my boots up on my feet. Winter in the seam was awful. It was always cold and there was always so much snow. I decided I would go to the Hub, which had been newly built and this time legal, and stop at Greasy Sae's for some stew and apologize for not bringing some more game for her to use for her meals. She had understood when I had told her about not feeling well. I figured on my way back I would stop at the bakery and wait for Peeta to finish up so we could walk home together. I guess I should get two stews then, skip eating at Greasy Sae's today. She had been one of the few who had been at the District when I returned but it was nice. We had always gotten along well back in the day and having her there when I came back was almost like having a mother around to depend on. She had said the words that comforted me during my time alone. Words that had almost sounded like a mother's. I talked to her as I waited for the food, she asked me how I was doing, told me to make sure to keep eating properly as I looked like I had lost weight again and then asked how Peeta was doing. She was one of the few I confided in about Peeta's hijacking from the capitol and she had hugged me that day as I cried for the first time since Prim's death. She didn't say anything, just stroked my hair and my back, giving me that bit of warmth I had long forgotten. That had happened about a month after my return.

I told her I would make sure to bring lots of game for her tomorrow to make up for today before saying goodbye, making my way to Peeta's bakery. It was only about a five minute walk from the Hub and I could smell the tantalizing aroma of fresh bread in the air. I almost thought of buying a fresh loaf but tomorrow was Saturday and that always means that's the day Peeta stays home with me and bakes me my favourite treats, one of them being his bread loafs. I was always simple that way and I enjoyed it. As I step in I notice he's not out front. One of his workers is working on the display case by the register and notices I've come in. I don't visit often, maybe once or twice a month at best. But everyone knows me. The Mockingjay. Their light in the dark times. I nod at them as they ask if I'm looking for Peeta. I wait for them to go to the back to let him know I'm here. I'm sure I've surprised him as he steps out to the front, flour covers his apron and he's got a bit stuck in his hair. I'd giggle if I wasn't in public. I'm not comfortable with much displays in public. It probably has to do with my time in front of cameras and acting for the whole of Panem to see me. He smiles at me and I give a small smile back, he tells me he'll be done in about twenty minutes if I don't mind waiting. I tell him not to worry, I was in no rush. He asks if I'm feeling better and I shake my hand in a so-so gesture. He nods and says he won't be long as he makes his way to the back. I sit at one of the small tables by the window and stare out. I hadn't noticed before, but I was quite tired. My eyes felt heavy. I set my bag with our lunch on the chair across from me, fold my arms on the table and lay my head on them. Shutting my eyes against the sunlight that was reflecting off the snow, drifting off before I had a chance to stop it.


	2. CH 2: Rockaby baby

A/N: There is a bit of a lime scene in this chapter. Nothing huge and it's not long. But just another thing to go with the rest of the story. Another chapter for the story. I know it's slow moving. It's kind of suppose to be. I've learned rushing doesn't make a story good, I think it just annoys the reader a bit.

The time frames will be going ahead and at different intervals. So with that, I do love getting reviews and would love to see how people like this so far. And on another note, this hasn't been proof read. I will probably go through the chapters later to proof read and edit them, for now... I apologize for any mistakes made.

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><p><strong>A Lullaby to Soothe the Demons Within<strong>

Chapter 2

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><p><em>Peeta's POV<em>

_One and a Half Years since returning to District 12_

"Katniss." It's a mere whisper that rolls off my lips as she pulls away from our kiss. Her breathing is slightly erratic and I wonder if she's feeling the same way I am. Some times our kisses get like this, hot and tempting. The unknown though makes me too scared to go further than the kiss. Even our kisses become some what sloppy as we try to deepen it. Our tongues clash and then we're pulling back in embarrassment because of how ridiculous we feel. I wonder some times if I would have been different if I had never gone through the Hunger Games. Would I have been more experienced by now? I had heard of other boys my age talk of there time with girls. How great it was. I had ignored them then but now it was coming back. It didn't help that Katniss also had endured the Games and then the war. I never touched the skin beneath her clothing, that was overstepping our current arrangement and I was happy with what it was now, I didn't want to ruin it for some sexual gratitude that I knew was the cause of my desires. Though inexperienced and not very knowledgeable of the whole thing, I did know enough that to start such an encounter involved skin on skin contact. She wasn't ready for that and I don't think I was either.

I come back to our current surroundings and feel her toes barely touching the hairs on my leg. My pj pants normally would slide up a bit from my ankles, exposing the little bit of hair I had on on my right leg. I give a small smile to her in the dark as I keep my hand firmly around her midsection of her stomach. I never put it any where else unless I was caressing the skin of her face. I could feel her breathing slowing down and feel the air escape her mouth as a yawn escapes. She had woken up earlier than normal that day after a particularly bad dream. Sweat had covered her side of the bed and no matter what I did or say, she couldn't shake off the nerves. Eventually she had gotten up and put her hunting gear on. It was some times her best therapy when nothing else worked. I didn't follow her. She'd be ok when she returned. I would probably be at work before she got back, but at least she would be feeling better when I got home that afternoon. Besides we knew if I followed then there would be no game that day. I was too loud when I walked normally and it had been magnified when I got my prosthetic leg. It's impossible to be stealthy when you're me

I move closer to her on the bed, pulling her closer to me in the process and kiss her forehead lightly. "Go to sleep if you're tired. There's no point forcing yourself to stay up." She nods her head quietly and lets the hand she has around my waist tighten in my grey cotton shirt. She's nearly asleep but trying so hard to stay awake. She does this some times, usually after a bad nightmare, fearing that another will plague her that evening. "You'll be ok tonight. I don't think you'll have another one while you sleep and I will keep holding you for as long as I can. Now go to sleep." Yet her grip doesn't loosen.

"Peeta?" Her voice seems so small, so quiet I barely hear her. I let out a little hum in acknowledgment of my name. "Do you think we'll get married soon?" I smile to the dark. It's her first time bringing this up now. I figured it was out of the question for now while we are recovering. I guess she was recovered enough to think about it.

"Maybe one day. I didn't think you'd be ready yet, not for a couple years at least." I hear her own hum as she thinks that over. I wonder if maybe she was ready for this next step? Yet we were still young, I didn't want to rush things.

"I wouldn't object to the idea, if it was proposed. Greasy Sae says it's the next step when you live with a man that you're together with, and any wedding here is never like the one the Old Capitol was trying to plan. I mean, it would be more for the moral aspect since we are living together." She had put some thought into this. I wonder when she had thought about it.

"Yes, I suppose that's true. But we haven't been the most conventional couple around for a while now. It doesn't matter when we wed, I'm just happy to be with you." She hadn't caught the way it had been phrased, it wasn't a question of if we would get married one day, but a question of when we would do it. I feel her close any distance between us and her tentative lips touch mine once more. I guess she wasn't quite ready to fall asleep. I think to myself that our kissing has improved, but other feelings have been rising in me. I've heard it's normal for boys my age to get urges. My parents had never really told me much about it though and I was never that close with my brothers. So every time I started to feel myself excite as our kisses progressed I'd have to pull away, stop it before my hands decided to take control and do some thing that Katniss wasn't comfortable with. I've shifted so that we had some distance between us again. I was uncomfortable and had to move a bit to try and ease the tightness that seemed to rise in my pants. I didn't want her to notice the sudden change. I hear her sigh and know she's almost asleep. It was amazing how simple and easy it was for her to fall asleep as long as I was there. I know it's the same for me. She rolls over to her other side facing away from me and I'm able to free the arm that was under her.

I get up from the bed and tip toe my way to the bathroom. I needed a minute or two to try and calm my over active body. Shutting the door behind me I lean against it, letting my head thump lightly against the solid wood. My pj pants are uncomfortable around my hips. I can feel the blood pumping to the south part of my body and I hate myself for letting my desires get the better of me. It doesn't happen too often, not usually. Though lately it's gotten worst and I wonder if I'll be able to survive being with Katniss like this when my body ends up reacting to her so easily and causing this problem as an end result. I close my eyes, I feel guilty as I let my hand slid under the waistband of my pj bottoms and the hem of my boxers. My hand only grazes the straining member and I sigh softly. I wrap my fingers around it and give it a pump, I can feel my resolve failing quickly as my hand strokes my members quickly. I want to find the end, the release I need so that I can go back to our room and fall asleep next to the girl who makes me feel this way. My hips act on their own and thrust into my hand, causing a moan to escape my lips. My mind has gone beyond the walls of this bathroom and for a moment I'm in a fantasy with Katniss. Out in a grassy field, kissing, caressing bare skin and then I think of what she would sound like if I were to touch her more intimately, what kind of noise would she make? How would she look? She'd be beautiful. I think of the way she whispers my name in the dark when we're alone at night in our bed. She'd probably has that same rasp to her voice if her and I were joined. Her dark locks would cover me as she lays on top of me.. soft, sun kissed flesh against my own pale skin. The images are too much and I feel the sticky substance coating my hand and the inside of my boxers. My hips jerk in small waves as my release hits me in waves. I'm panting hard as my legs give out and I fall to the tiled ground. The images are still playing in my head as I close my eyes for a moment, hand still pumping out my release before I feel myself soften. I remove my hand from my pants and grab a dirty towel that's laying on the ground to clean off the white mess from my hand.

I know I need to change before I go back. I've learned recently that falling sleep after doing this results in my boxers nearly sticking to me in the morning with dried up white spots on my clothes. But I can't move yet, the guilt has hit me. Was it normal to feel guilty for fantasizing about your girlfriend? I wondered if other people felt this way after doing this? Or did this only happen to me because the girl I thought about was still a broken person that was trying to find the pieces to her life? I banged my fist against the ground, letting out my frustration. Only when I was by myself could I let my emotions get the best of me. I would never let Katniss see this side of me, I needed to be strong for her. I almost feel like I may cry, but I refuse to let my remorse get so out of control. I force myself off the ground and remove my pj bottoms and boxers. I set them in the basket we keep for dirty laundry in the bathroom and grab another pair from under the sink. I usually keep my pj's in here since we still don't change in front of one another. I really didn't care, but I know it made her feel awkward to see me naked. I wash my hands and shake whatever water I can off them and leave the bathroom. I leave the light on in there during the night in case she needs to get up during the night to use it. She's weary of the dark and again I can't blame her. I find my way back to our room and climb back into bed on my side. I pull the covers over myself and curl up to her back, letting my arm hug her midsection close to me. We thought our relationship was simple but there was my own war waging inside me and for now, I was still winning.


	3. Ch 3: Amazing Grace

**A Lullaby to Soothe the Demons Within**

_Chapter 3_

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><p>Katniss' POV<p>

_2 Years since returning to District 12_

Peeta. The boy with the bread. My husband. We have finally gotten married and followed the traditions passed down from the ancestors of our District though we didn't get a new house since we were residing in Peeta's house in the victors village already. Not many had shown, my mother was one of the few who was with us to witness it. Simple. It was a nice. It had also been a sad day for me as I longed to have Prim by my side during this time. My heart had ached at that thought. This was also the first time seeing my mother is months, she was now working in the newly built capitol, working at the main hospital as one of the many doctors there. She had taken time off to see me tie the knot with Peeta. Seeing her was a grim reminder of the things I lost and maybe that's why I didn't see her often. It was just too hard. Peeta had dressed in his Sunday best, a short sleeve white button downed cotton shirt and black slacks that was held up by a black belt, black loafers accompanied his outfit, while I wore a pretty white dress my mother had brought with her. It was a simple short sleeved dress that fell below my knees and black open toed two inch heels that my mother also picked out. She had a better eye for fashion than I did, plus I really didn't like dresses. She had done my hair for me, doing the complicated braid that Peeta once said he liked on me, my hair wasn't as long as it had been there, barely brushing past my shoulder blades, yet the braid was still as pretty as the first time she ever did it for me. I felt.. beautiful for once. Most of my scars were hidden beneath the cotton material of the dress, the rest of them that were showing were faded enough that you could barely notice them. When we finally met one another in front of our Mayor, I was stunned to see how handsome Peeta looked, he was like his old self again when we had been made over for the games. Even then I thought he had looked Handsome, though they usually made all of us look a little to eccentric to cover any flaws we may have had.

The Mayor had deemed us, in the eyes of District Twelve, Mr and Mrs Mellark, we shared a small kiss in front of the people that had shown up and smiled at one another. Haymitch had given us a loud cheer, though that was probably the alcohol he had already consumed that day making him do that. I felt content knowing we had finally started on with our lives. This was what I needed, maybe what we both needed. A step into the future. Maybe my demons would one day be at bay and leave me in peace, I didn't think that would happen but for once, I was hopeful. We invited everyone back to our place to celebrate the occasion since it seemed not many joyous things happened in this district often. People were still trying to rebuild their houses to move back to, Paylor had been good to everyone that had lost their homes, giving relief to everyone who needed it. The new world wasn't perfect, but it was better than it had been. We weren't starving these days.

I can hear people laughing and talking around the house, my mother is in the kitchen talking to Greasy Sae, thanking her for taking care of her daughter when she couldn't. Greasy Sae had come twice a day to my home to make sure I was eating and well. It wasn't until Peeta came back that she decided she'd only visit once or twice a week since Peeta had taken over taking care of me. They're talking about the upcoming arrivals to District Twelve, ones who have decided their house was good enough to come back to.

"Delly will be back. She was visiting the capitol a few days before I came here and I had overheard her saying her home was finished and she was in the process of packing her things to take home." My mother is the one speaking. I don't enter the kitchen, merely listen by the door.

"Oh, Delly Cartwright?" I don't hear a reply and assume my mother nodded to Greasy Sae. "Oh that will be nice. She use to help me out in the kitchen in the Hob. I wonder if she'd be willing to help me out again. She's a nice one." For some reason I'm over come with jealousy. I know that there were plenty of other girls who were liked better than myself. It had been like that my entire life. Between Prim and I, she was the favoured one amoung everyone. I had been ok with that. So why was I jealous of Delly? I knew why. I may be slightly naïve but not enough to realize why it was bothering me. Her and Peeta had been friends before the Games, I would see them in the halls at school together all the time when I took notice of the boy who gave me the burnt bread. And that time when we had finally rescued Peeta from the Capitol only to find out he had been hijacked, trying to kill me in the process. They had let her in his room and he had recognized her, acknowledged her presence and shared conversations with her. He had given her smiles that should have been meant for me at that time. He had stuck with her when he had started getting better. By better I mean that he wasn't trying to kill me every time he saw me. I had been jealous then of her. That she could still freely be by his side and get his smiles, while he looked on at me with disgust. _Mutt. _It was a memory I was not fond of. Knowing she was coming back made me uneasy. I was not use to feeling this way, uneasy, jealous, inadequate, and worried. I need to have faith in Peeta's feelings though. We were finally a married couple, meaning he wanted to be with me, the same way he had felt back in the games and according to him, the way he had felt from the time were young. I refused to let such irrational emotions bother me.

I jump and search frantically as arm encircle my waist from behind. I've been captured. As I'm ready to try and strike my captor I hear the voice talk softly to me from behind. "It's just me. You're ok, no one is attacking." It takes me a minute to come to and realize it's Peeta behind me, my sandy blond, blue eyed husband holding onto me. I release the breath I had been holding and tell my body to relax. "Sorry, I should know better by now about sneaking up like that. I saw you and couldn't resist coming over to you. You look worried. No regret?" I'm startled at his question. Regret? What regret would I have? I wiggle out of his grasp and take his hand in my own to lead him away from the kitchen before they notice I've been eavesdropping on their conversation. We escape the crowd and I lead us upstairs to our room. Peeta closes the door behind us. I can hear Haymitch screeching about something and almost let myself laugh at how ridiculous he is. He really couldn't hold his liquor. I sit down on the side of the bed, the side I sleep on as I look into the depth of his blue eyes. Always so calm and soft. It was no wonder I couldn't survive without this man.

"Now what do you mean 'no regret'?" I ask in reference to his question from the hallway. He shakes his head and he gives me a small smile.

"Just worried that maybe you got cold feet with everyone here and decided that this was the wrong choice, you and I getting married." I shake my head in disbelief. Was he being serious? For someone so smart with words and knowing me better than I know myself, he could be really slow at times.

"Really? Jeez Peeta, you're really dumb some times. If I really didn't want this, don't you think I would have left your house ages ago? Do you really think I would have bothered staying here... oh. You think I'm playacting again." It's his turn to look at me in disbelief. How many more times would I have to tell him I loved him before he understood my feelings for him? Why did he have to be difficult? I decide not to let him respond, I'm getting mad and I can't help the rush of words that escapes me. "Peeta if you think I'm lying to you then this won't work. I'm being real this time. I think you're being too stupid right now and I am in no mood for it. It's our wedding day and this is what we're discussing. I'm not going to take it. It is just beyond ridiculous!" I throw my hands in the air. I can't look at him, I'm mad at him now. I stand up and make my way to the door, going around him in hopes of getting out before he can say anything.

I feel his hand grab me and pull me to him. Lips crash against my own before I am able to do anything. It's not gentle like usual. It's harsh and desperate. My anger is dissolving and I'm wrapping my arms around him, clinging to the fabric of his shirt, pulling myself closer to him. This kiss is different from most and I can feel my lower stomach starting to coil, butterflies feel like they're making their way up my throat and I break for air. I'm gasping as I realize I had held my breath. It doesn't stop him though, he's pulling me back for another kiss. I don't refuse him, only tightening my hold into the material of his shirt as our bodies mold against one another's. That's when I feel it. Something stiff between us that rubs slightly against my stomach. I wasn't stupid. I knew what that was. Peeta. His tongue is finding it's way between my parted lips and coax mine to fight his for dominance. This situation is different. Our kisses never had been so heated before. I can feel myself getting nervous as to where this may go. Was I ready to take that step? For him to see me for all I was when I could barely look in the mirror at my own reflection? I know now is not the time to even be thinking about this. I pull away this time, just in time for the door to burst open and see a drunk Haymitch, holding a bottle of white liquor, give us a knowing smile as he stands at the door. He stumbles upon his words as he informs us people are getting ready to go. He laughs as he leaves us to make his way back downstairs. Shouting behind him "don't take too long, lovebirds. I'm sure you're guest would like to see you before they leave"

I feel my cheeks becoming heated and look up at Peeta to see his own cheeks flushed with colour as well. He gives a forced cough and allows a smile to play across his lips once more.

"Maybe we should, uh- talk about that later. When no one is around?" He questions me, to see if I'd even be willing to talk about this. Was I? Did I even understand the direction this was going in? Sex. Yes I think I knew enough to know what happens when a man and a woman get married. I decide perhaps we would have to talk about it eventually, better now than later.

"Yes. I think that's probably a good idea. I'll go down first." I think that'll give him some time to calm himself down, though I wonder if I also needed to. My body felt weird, almost as if it was humming. My lower abdomen was tight and I could feel a fire there that I had never felt before. My private area also felt different. I knew then. I wanted Peeta Mellark. I just didn't fully know what that meant. And dammit, a word I had heard someone say once while frustrated, I forgot about Delly. I suppose she was the least of my worries right now.


	4. CH 4: Beautiful Dreamer

A/N: First note, thank you to my first reviewers! I'm glad to see people like this. I'm actually kind of nervous writing this, as it's my first THG fan fiction. I'm really trying to stay true to the characters and one thing I found I thought about Katniss was that she was a strong person who was just missing a lot of pieces to her life, I don't think she'd be a crying mess every time ANYTHING happened, I can't see her doing that. I always thought Peeta was good for her, that her brought out anything good in her. I some times feel like it's OOC for both of them in this story, then again I can't seem to write it any other way. Second note, this is a chapter with a lemon in it. You won't see me use words like cock, or shaft or manhood for that matter in this... as I can't imagine Peeta or Katniss using those words and since this is in Peeta's POV, they won't exist in his vocabulary or her's. I do apologize if they seem more OOC than usual... but you gotta think that this is the 15 year period that was never talked about in the books... and then when you get to the 15 years later they have kids... so something had to give for them to get to that point, right?

And my last note for this Author's Note. I really would like some reviews on this, I know people have been reading it and I enjoy feedback and criticism if you have some. Some spelling and mistakes are in these chapters, I must reread them when I get a chance. For now, I ask that you deal with it until I go back and correct any mistakes made. Seriously though, if you read this, leave a comment before you go. This is also going to be the longest chapter for this fan fiction so far. So hope you like reading.

A side note: All the chapter titles at the top are from children's lullabies, thus going with the whole title of the story. Just thought I'd add that.

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><p><strong>A Lullaby to Soothe the Demons Within<strong>

_Chapter 4_

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><p>Peeta's POV<p>

_2 Years and One Month Since returning to District Twelve_

_One month and two days. _That's how long we've been married. I smile to myself at the thought as I knead the dough on the table in front of me. Another day of work, another day alive, happy and with Katniss. I look over at the clock to see it was only nine AM. She'd be out hunting still. She normally didn't come back into town until the afternoon these days, selling some of her game to the locals and then head home with the rest of her catch from that day. Once in a while she'd come to visit me a the bakery, usually those were the days when she was having a good day, ones that didn't have nightmares making their appearances the night before. I hadn't had one in a little bit now but that didn't put me at ease. It was only a matter of time before I had another one of my hijacking episodes, knowing I didn't know what to expect when it would show it's ugly head. Katniss had already endured one of her own episodes a few weeks ago, a couple nights after our wedding.

We had talked about what happened that day at the small get together at our house. That's when she admitted that she had been feeling something different during out kisses, I knew then that she was having the same feelings as myself. She had also confessed that she wasn't comfortable being fully nude in front of me, saying that the scared her body bared were not something she could stand me seeing. I understood her point. I was surprised when her voice quietly asked "Do I have to be fully naked to... have sex?" She was blunt with her words and took me off guard. It had only taken me removing her pants when she had an episode, throwing a fit in the process. That night ended with her in my arms, sobbing and mumbling incoherent words into my chest. I had wrapped her in a blanket while I held her. It had not been the right time. We decided not to try again for now.

I cringe as my prosthetic leg begins to throb. It still bugged me at times. I stop my task of kneading dough and make my way to the front of the shop. I wonder if it going to rain today? Usually when a storm starts rolling in I can tell before it happens since that's when my leg starts to bug me. I see dark gray clouds hang in the sky, giving the city an ominous glow. I shake my head. Hopefully Katniss got back before it starts to pour.

Two hours later and it's down pouring outside. I can hear the rain hit the roof of the shop in a steady fall. The streets are flooding and I wonder if there's a point to keeping the store open. No one would come in and no one would deliver in this weather. I realize it's a lost cause and tell everyone we're going to close early. It's clear everyone is happy to hear that news. Just as I 'm heading to the front door to lock it and switch our sign to closed, a figured opens the door and steps into the shop. They're soaked, dripping water all over the floor. I sigh. I can't tell who just walked in but decide they're harmless and lock the door behind them.

"We're getting ready to close. Is there anything you want, something we can get you?" I ask the person, who I notice is in a black jacket, hood pulled over. The start to move, unzipping their jacket and lowering their hood. They're shaking. I wonder how long they were outside, caught in the storm. I see brown hair, tied into a low pony tail, grey eyes meet my own and I see that it's Katniss who is standing before me. Why was she still out? I notice her trembling is getting worst the longer she leaves her jacket on. She must be soaked right through to her under layers. "What are you doing out still? Jeez. Come back here." She doesn't speak, which is probably for the best, her lips seem a little blue, her face paler than usual. I lead her to the back of the bakery, where the ovens are and open one of the running ovens so that the heat can get to her. I leave her for a moment to grab some towels we keep in the back. I come back to see she's still standing in the same spot. I set the towels down on the nearest table and walk over to her. I hear the guys from the shop yelling out their goodbyes as they leave the shop. We're alone now. I go up to her and help take off her jacket. The rest of her clothes are just as soaked as her jacket and I know she's going to have to take them off in order to gain back some warmth to her body. I let a puff of air escape my lips, trying to figure out how to tell her this news. I catch her eye, silently questioning me as to what I was doing. I grab a towel off the table and take the band that's holding her hair back. This was the easiest part of the whole thing. I'm rubbing the towel through her hair as I speak again, her back facing me. "You're completely soaked. What were you doing outside still?" It takes her a moment before she responds.

"I got caught in the storm. I was in the middle of the forest when it started and when I got back it was coming down steadily but I wanted to get the game to everyone before I went home. They.. depend on me for that and it's the least I can do. Plus we need the income." Her teeth are chattering in between her words. I need to get those clothes off her before she gets sick. "By the time I was done, it had gotten worst outside. I knew I wouldn't be able to make it home in this so I came here. Sorry." I shake my head. Of course this is how she would think.

"Well you're here now, but we have a problem." She turns her head towards me and I stop rubbing the towel through her hair. Might as well break the bad news to her. "You're going to have to change your clothes, you can't stay in those, you'll get sick. I'll go grab you a shirt and another towel to wrap you in." I leave her once more to see if I can find another towel or something to wrap her in, while we waited out the storm. I find a sheet we use for the tables and think that will be alright. I come back and stop in my tracks. She's already taken off her shirt and is undoing her pants. She doesn't notice me and I see the white scars stretch across her back as she pulls her pants down. She steps out of them and grabs a towel off the table, wrapping herself in it as she waits for me to return. I stand there a moment more, letting the image of her fill my mind. She was beautiful, I really couldn't understand how she thought those scars took anything away from her. Once again a wave of guilt washes over me for watching her when she thought she was alone. It wasn't right for me to take advantage. I close my eyes for a minute and will myself to forget everything I just saw. Eyes back open, I clear my throat and approach her, holding out the sheet I have found. I think it's not enough, I have my sweater here today, so she could wear my shirt, soak in any body heat it retains from me. "I'll give you my shirt. It'll help you warm up quicker." She only nods. I remove my apron and then my shirt, handing it to her. She takes it with shaking hands, I see her eyes quickly take in my bare chest before turning away from me, letting the towel fall from her and hurriedly put the shirt on. It's enough time to see her skin though. Small shoulders and tanned skin. I look away, seeing her like this is only stirring a fire in me once more, making more fantasies of her in my own mind. I grab my sweater and pull it on. She's sitting on the floor now, I missed what she looked like in my shirt, wrapped in the white sheet I grabbed for her. I grab her wet clothes off the ground and find spots to put them near the ovens, hoping it will help them dry. I go sit next to her and hold out my arms, encouraging her to come soak in my body heat and to stop the shaking that has taken over her body.

She's scooted over to lay in between my legs so that I can wrap my pale arms around her. She leans her head onto my chest letting a quiet hum out in contentment. I smile to myself once more. She hadn't freaked out, it was a good sign. I finally break the peaceful silence. "A little better now."

She shifts a bit so that when she tilts her head she can look up at me. "Yeah, you're pretty warm." I laugh.

"I've been inside all day. Glad it's benefiting someone." She smiles back at me and nods her head. "You ok like this?" She raises an eyebrow at me in questioning. "I mean, not being fully clothed. You're not uncomfortable?" She look away as she mulls the question over.

"It's strange and still a little awkward but... it doesn't feel like the last time." The last time being when she had freaked out when her pants had been removed. "I'm not as scared and after seeing so many of your scars, I feel a bit more at ease. Like we're on the same level again." She hadn't seen my own scars, usually she looked away when I was showing any skin that wasn't my arms or my face. She was just a modest girl. Innocent in that sense. I was the pervert out of the two of us.

"Progress I guess?" She nods again and leans back on my chest, head tilted to look up in to my face. She was so unnerving when she stared at me with those eyes for too long. I couldn't stop myself before I leaned down and kissed her. She had been expecting it, anticipating it even as her lips readily found my own half way, a hand finding it's way into my hair, pulling closer. It's one of the first times that she really took the lead, any times our kisser became deeper was because of my doing and usually I was the one to back off when it got too heated. This time some thing in me snapped and before either of us realized it, she was below me, laying on the ground as I deepened our kiss. My tongue found her own, my hands sliding down to her waist and I lay between her open legs, she has wrapped the sheet around both of us. In the back of my mind alarms are going off, telling me to stop but my body refuses to listen. One of her hands is wrapped around my neck, holding our lips together as her other slides down my chest to the bottom of my sweater. Her hands finds it's way underneath it and slides it's way up my chest. It's feeling every part of me, tracing my own scars as it goes up, brushing against one of my nipples. I gasp into our kiss, shocked at the new feeling, she notices it too and runs her hand back across it again, liking my reaction to the gesture. I grind my hips into hers as she repeats the motion and I feel her own hips jerk at the motion.

I grind my hips down, relieving in the pleasure that is running through my body. I wasn't sure if she felt anything but she kept thrusting her own hips up. I never knew doing some thing so simple would feel this good, it was never a thought that crossed my mind. I was always told that sex was simple, you did it to have babies. No one had ever told me that you would have such desires and wants. They had made it sound so mechanic, that it wasn't pleasurable at all. I disagreed. I wonder if I should stop this. It'd be for the best, I didn't want to hurt her. My resolve dissolve before my eyes as she tries to take off my sweater. Her fingers are clumsy and I can tell she's still nervous. Nervous of the unknown. We didn't know what to expect or how it would go. We were just running off of feelings by this point. It's amazing what desire can do to you. You get stupid when you indulge.

I knee and take off my sweater. She follows me up and is unlacing my pants, she fingers are nimble as she unties them and is pushing them off my hips. She's rushing, almost afraid that if she doesn't any resolve she had for this will disappear as quickly as it came. She looks back up at me once more, a flush covers her cheeks as she pants slightly. How could I not love this girl. But she's nervous and may be a bit scared. I don't want her to do this because she feels obligated to. I stop her hands from removing my pants any further.

"We don't have to do this, don't feel obligated that you have to for me. I want you to want this too. When you're ready." Her eyes fall along with her hands. I worry that she's crying.

"I-I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want to. I've given it a lot of thought the last few weeks. I- want to do this.. with you. I want to do it when I'm feeling like me, when I'm not thinking about those horrible memories. Peeta.. I want to feel like a normal person again. Please." She doesn't cry, usually her tears are for her episodes and nightmares. It's her weaknesses. She's a strong person otherwise. I tilted her head back up to face me, falling back onto the balls of my feet and stare into those cloudy eyes once more. It's there, that spark, the one that keeps me to her. She's searching my eyes for answers, to see if I'm really going to back out now. She must have worked up a lot of courage to really go through with this, I didn't want her to think I was rejecting her. Whatever she sees is enough for her as she maneuvers her way onto her own knees and kissing me once more. I know then it won't stop this time. There would be no turning back. I pull her away for a moment so that I can sit properly on the floor again, my leg was reminding me of the throbbing it was still enduring. I stick my legs out and pull her towards me so that each of her legs is on either side of mine by my hips, in a way so that she's straddling me. Our kisses have become harsher, more demanding as our hands roam each others bodies. She's tracing lines on my back while my hands grasp her hips to grind against my own, trying to relieve some pressure that has built there since. I can feel myself throbbing against my pants and know how bad I want her. To experience what adults call, sex or love making. She pulls away once more and leans more on her knees, letting her hands fall back to the waistline of my pants. I lift my hips up to help her ease them off. A little maneuvering and they're lying with the rest of the clothes. I am now only in my boxers and she still has her underwear and my shirt on. I take in her appearance right now. I like the way she looks in my clothes and make a mental note to let her wear them more often.

She's looking between us, from my eyes she travels her way my chest, to my stomach, I gulp, the bulge that is evident in my boxers now. She looks back up to my eyes and laughs a little. I must be blushing like mad right now. This is the most either of us have seen of one another in a while. Even in the first hunger games, she had left my boxers on when she changed me. This time was different though in so many ways. I can't take it any more and pull her to me again, an arm wrapped around her waist and one around the back of her neck, bringing her as close as possible to me. I want to feel every part of her against me. I don't bother to try and take her shirt off though, she seems to be comfortable with it on and I'd do anything to make sure she's happy. That's when I feel a small lithe hand slipping between us, towards my boxers.. towards my penis. She's found the open area in the front of my boxers and I feel a finger touch me. It's like electric currents are running through my blood stream. I moan out. It's so new to either of us that she's unsure how to proceed. I pull her in for another kiss as I let my hand that's on her waist travel to the waist line of her underwear. She doesn't stop me so I proceed and try to find a way to get them off. It's easier said then done with how she is right now. She leans back once more and gets off me. She takes whatever sheet she had and pulls it around her. I see her squiggle around and finally stops, she almost crawls over to where the pile of clothes are and drops something with them before coming back over to me. I know that she is half naked under that sheet now and wonder if I should return the favour by removing my boxers in hopes that it will make her feel comfortable with the turn of the situation. As she makes her way back over I lift up my hips from the floor and remove my boxers. She stops just beside me and is staring at me with wide eyes. Not looking into my eyes but staring at my lower area. It's probably her first time really seeing another man like this, as it is for me with a girl. She shakes her head once and I see her fighting herself as she lets the sheet fall to her knees, she's in nothing but my shirt now and I see the bit of brown hair between her legs. I can't help but again think about how beautiful she is. It's all I ever thought about when I saw her.

I lean over and kiss her softly, coaxing her to move back over to me now. I want to feel our skin brush against each others again. Her legs are soft against the skin of my hips as the enclose around me. I feel my lower area brush against hair and know I am close to her private area. I feel myself twitch in excitement once more. I'm kissing her neck, her face, her lips, and her shoulders. I think we're prolonging any advancement until we figure out exactly how this works and where exactly we should be positioned. It's frustrating not knowing enough about this. Maybe I should have talked to Haymitch about this before, he was older and knew the world better. I'm sure he'd know something about having sex with a girl. That thought escapes me as I feel the tip of me brush warm, wet folds. It's her. I almost thrust my hips to feel that again. I can't take much more. Her hands are wild as they run through my hair, pulling it and scrapping nails down my back when they're not in my hair. We need more. I'm not thinking as we flip us, I'm on top of her now and my hand is grasping my dick, running it along her. I watch fascinated, looking as her folds spread around the head. Dark, chocolate hair hides most of it. I move it down more and I'm gasping out as I find the hole. My head is enclosed and she's crying out. I open my squeezed eyes to see her own wide and more cries escaping her mouth. Was she ok? I am trying to pull out and she's stopping me. Telling me it's ok, to keep going. I'm hesitant for a moment before she moves her hips a bit to encourage me. She panting hard and hands are clenching and unclenching as I push in a bit more. She's trying hard not to cry out again and I stop when I hit something tight. She has a hand wrapped around one of my arms that is on one side of her, nails biting my skin. I'm trying to search her face for some kind of answer, wondering if I should keep going. She doesn't seem to be enjoying it and it seems like I'm causing her more pain than anything.

"Katniss, we can stop. I don't want to hurt you."

"I heard it hurts the first time for a girl. I rather you be the one to do this though. You're the only one I trust enough." She wiggles a bit and grasp my hips urging me forward. I don't stop the throaty moan I let out as I sink deeper into her. The feel is one I never expected before. All my fantasies could never do this justice. The feeling of her, just her and I joined into one. I push past the barrier and she lets out a whimper. I stop as I am now fully inside her, our hips meeting one another. I think it best for me to wait until she's ready for anything more. The wetness that is her is driving me crazy as I feel it around my me. I want to thrust. I want to have my release. I wonder how it worked for girls and how long it took them. I was already throbbing enough at the effort of sitting still, I knew it wouldn't take much. She finally opens her closed eyes to stare into my own. No hint of regret or fear are present now. This moment is ours. No past to ruin this for us as it becomes a special memory for both of us, our first time.

She moves up to meet me for a kiss and moves her hips lightly up against mine, testing the angle and the sensation she feels. The pain must be subsiding now. I move my hips a bit back and thrust back in, as I would when I masturbated, inside of my hand it was her. She lets out a small moan and I do it again. I repeat it again and again, she starts meeting my thrusts with her own and my pace begins to quicken. I know I won't last long, I hope she's close too. She falls back on her back and I lay more on top of her, arms braced on either side of her, supporting my weight. My hips are thrusting harder into her with each move as I feel myself get closer, she's meeting each and every one and I feel myself lose it. I throw my head back and cry out to the empty room as I feel myself releasing into her. I jerk my hips along with my orgasm and fall on to her. My face in her neck, panting loudly. Our bodies are covered in a light coat of sweat. I am trying to gain some awareness again and realize I am unsure if she had an orgasm. Did girls cum like guys? I look at her and feel her hips thrusting a little against mine, trying to gain some friction again. My member is soft now and slips out of her. She lets out a whine and I know she is unsatisfied still. I want this memory to be as good for her as it is for me and roll off her. I lay on my side, facing her and let my hand trail down her body. I use my other hand to support my head.

My hand wanders own until it reaches the soft, dark chocolate curls that is her pubic hair and the the folds that protected her inner walls. I run a finger along the wetness and hear her gasp out. Her hips go up, trying to get my finger to do that again. I obliged and move my hand back over the little nub that I had touched before. She moans out and I'm encouraged to do more. I let my finger glide down until it finds the entrance I had found not long ago and slide it in. I bury it to the base and wiggle it around inside her. Her moans are strangled as she thrusts onto my playful finger and I decide to add another. She's responding well to the process so far and I can feel myself getting hard again at the sight before me. I sit up, not breaking the contact my fingers have and use my other hand to stroke myself. I want her to find her release this time and speed up my fingers that are inside her. Her insides are tightening around the two digits and I speed up my pumping around my own member, wanting us to cum together this time. I look down at her to see she's watch the hand around myself as she thrust more erratically around my fingers. God, how did I ever come to see her like this? It would always only be me too. I arch my fingers a bit and seem to hit a spot. The walls inside her clamp down around my fingers and start to spasm as she covers her mouth to muffle the moans and cries that escape her. I can't hold on any more and I cum into my hand. I remove my fingers from her as I fall back beside her, stroking myself until I finish my release. My fingers are wet with her and I's release and I smile at that little bit of knowledge. I sit up and grab one of the discarded towels from the floor to wipe myself up before wiping her up. A little white fluid has dripped from between her and I'm a little embarrassed that I hadn't stopped myself. I knew the outcome of such encounters. That's how any of us came into this world and I worried for a moment that we had just brought another life into this world unwillingly. But her smile at me tells me it's something we shouldn't worry about right now.

I throw the towel back over to the pile of clothes, find the sheet once more and wrap us in it, her in my arms as we lay there breathing heavily in each others arms. For once, one of our moments was untainted and perfect. Why couldn't the rest of our lives be like that? I'm tired and feel my eyes drooping down as I cozy up with her.

"I saw Delly Cartwright today." She wakes me with her words. Delly? I hadn't seen her since I left district thirteen. Was she suppose to be coming back? Why did Katniss feel the need to tell me this right now?

"Hmm.. she's back in town?" I ask her quietly.

"Yeah. She asked when she could see you. I told her that she'd have to talk to you and then I left, it was before I made my way here." I can tell she wants to say something else and I wait. I've learned that if you have enough patience with her, she'll come around. "I.. got mad when she asked that because it worries me a bit that she has feelings for you.. after all that stuff happened I got.. jealous. I could feel those emotions coming back again." I never thought she'd be the jealous type and I want to laugh. For once she's was jealous for me and not the other way around. "I actually told her that she'd have to talk to my husband if she wanted to see him. I think that shut her up." I laugh. I can't help it.

"There's no point in being jealous. Even back when- well you know when. If I had wanted to be with her I would have been. I'm here with you."

"The storm was just another excuse for me to come here. After I saw her I wanted to see you right away. I didn't expect that you were closing the shop early. I guess it worked in my favour." She hides her face in my neck and I feel a tongue lick the side of it. A shiver runs down my spine and I feel myself awakening again. She was trying to kill me. "I just want to make sure you were mine, to have that bit of reassurance when I saw you. I guess it woke something in me cause now here we are..." We're both startled as the front door bell chime goes off. Someone came in. Had the storm passed?

"Hello?" We hear a female voice echoing from the front of the store. I swear I had changed the sign to closed. "Peeta are you there? I stopped at your house but no one answered." It's Delly. I look back down at Katniss and press my finger to my mouth as I get up. I'm shuffling around trying to find our clothes. I find my boxers, pants, and sweater. Shoes... where had I flung my shoes to? I hadn't even noticed when I took them off.

"Oh, I'll be right out. Just give me a second." Katniss is feeling her pants to see if they're dry. She shakes her head and looks at me, she mouths that they're still wet. I hand her the sheet once more and she wraps herself in it. Well it's not like this is really a bad thing. We were husband and wife and besides, my wife had come here because of the storm. I wasn't going to send her home when she was already soaking wet. I get my clothes on and tell Katniss to stay back here. I make my way to the front to see Delly standing by the window, waiting for me. Worst timing possible and I may have to hit whoever left last and left the door unlocked behind them.

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><p>AN: I'm done an end authors note for this one... since it's quite long. Almost a full seven pages on my computer. Hope you enjoyed it and would really like to see some more reviews! :)

Not sure how long this story is going to be any more... I can't stop it.


	5. Ch 5: O Blue Eyes

A/N: So currently my story is in the same general time frame as the previous two chapters... I'm at this point where I want to establish the whole newly wed bit to their relationship. Though I am not married, I have been with my partner for eight years now... and I can tell you, I base a lot of how the two of them are together off my own experiences. Anyways, enjoy the read! And review! I love hearing other's opinions on this story, whether it's good or bad. I'm also in the process of doing editing for my previous chapters, the first three have already gotten a light run through and it'll be this chapter and the last that have yet to be checked over.

A variety of songs really helped inspire this chapter.. I'm feeling a bit down today as I write this, thus this may be a bit of a depressing chapter. Just a warning in advance... oh.. and there's another LEMON. I feel like a perv but make up sex is always the best kind. This chapter is much longer than my others.

A few songs that helped me with this included, Memories by Tashannie (this is originally a japanese song I think but there's an english version of it that I like to listen to. It'd make a very good songfic for Katniss and Peeta... or if you like with her Gale it could work to. Just saying.) and Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift ft Civil War (I really really like this song and I think it fits with the movie.. it's also the first taylor swift song I actually like)

Also- Time to save butt. I do not own The Hunger Games trilogy, characters, etc. But I do own the work in this fan fiction. I am just thankful to Susan Collins for writing an amazing trilogy.

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><p><strong>A Lullaby to Soothe the Demons Within<strong>

_Chapter 5_

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><p><em><em>Katniss' POV<em>_

_2 Years and 2 and a half months since returning to District 12._

_Oh Delly. Delly. Delly. Delly. _I think darkly to myself. Peeta's not home right now and I'm annoyed at this. He's out with her today, helping her move in some furniture and other things into her new home. She's been back for two months now and I feel like I've seen less of Peeta than normal. That's right, I, Katniss Ever- Mellark, am jealous. I don't like that I basically only see Peeta on Saturdays and at night when we're going to bed. He's been working later in the bakery and when he's not working he's helping her out with her new home. It was a sudden change that had screwed up my normal routines. I wonder why the sudden change had happened, I thought with our progress in our own relationship it would bring us closer. I almost felt more distant from him now than I had been before the games had happened, when he was still just the boy with the burned bread to me. I had tried to initiate another encounter like the one from the bakery a few weeks ago and it had all seemed to be going well but the next moment he was pushing me off him and leaving the room. I didn't know what I had done wrong that night but the dejection I felt stopped me from trying again. I was still mad at him for that but didn't bother trying to start an argument about it.. because any time I had with him was precious right now. I felt the tears welling behind my eyes as I think about how lonely I'm feeling lately and they fall before I can compose myself. I wanted Peeta here with me, helping with dinner so we could eat together at the small table in the kitchen. We hadn't worked on our memory book for a while now and now seemed like the perfect time to go do it if it meant taking my mind off the miserable days I've been having.

I go into the front room, grabbing the book off the table and sit it on my lap as I sink into the couch. We had started this when Peeta came back as a way to help him regain his memories and fix the wrongs done to him through his hijacking. Real or not real. It was some thing we still did when he was unsure of a memory that passed through. I open the book to the first page. I dried out primrose is glued to the page and is accompanied by writing. The top just reads, Primrose. I had written my memory of Prim in this the first night we decided to start this book. Though it helped me get my memories of her onto the ever lasting paper it still didn't take away the pain I had for her loss. He drew designs around it, filling it with flowers and vines around the page. I had watched him that night as he concentrated on the details, shading green here, mixing blues and pinks there. He was in his element. He looked perfect to me then, making me confirm my love and need for him in my own sad existence in the world. It had been a few months now since we last opened this book.

I brush past the pages. Finnick, his wedding with Annie, their child that was now growing up without their father to protect them. The first cake Peeta made for their wedding, when him and I had still be on outs with one another. The day he had given me the bread that gave me new hope for life. The next day at school when I tried to catch his gaze with mine to silently thank him for saving my family and the dandelion that stood out against the dead yellow grass, showing life was emerging once more as spring approached. Peeta's family. His Dad. He had decided to write one just about his father, saying his best memories were with him. I hugged him as he finished writing it, tears streaming down his pale cheeks as the sorrow washed him away. It was one of the only times I had seen him cry and be so vulnerable. I had comforted him that night, holding him in bed until he fell asleep before I let myself drift off after him. It was a memory that I held onto because it made me feel like I was needed in Peeta's life, that I was irreplaceable. I stop turning pages and let the small smile play across my lips, savoring the memory for a moment and realize I'm still mad.

I shut the book closed once more, too angry to bother with it now. I set it back on the table and wiggle my way off the couch. I need to go out, do something. Maybe I would go to the forest for a bit. I had been out there for most of the morning already, trading and selling the game I had hauled in that day before bringing home just a rabbit for myself. That's what I needed to do, skin and clean the dead rabbit. I was trying to give myself as many distractions as possible.

I'm out on the front porch with my knife set beside me, letting my hands busy themselves with this task that I've set out for myself. I look down and see the blood on my hands, normally this doesn't bother me, I'm so use to it that I'm immune to it but today is different. It hits me swiftly and I'm dropping the game to the ground as I make way to the bathroom. Emptying what little I had consumed that day into the toilet, I am dry heaving and feel the wave of nausea that hit subside. I raise myself shakily from my knees in front of the toilet, flush the contents down and make my way to the sink. My face is red and my eyes are swollen and tearing. I feel fine now and wonder if I'm getting sick. Usually skinning and cleaning game doesn't bother me, it never does so this turn of events only means I'm coming down with something. It's the only logic. But I feel fine. I sigh. Some illnesses were odd like this. I splash some water onto my face to cool it down before I decide I'm fine enough to go finish my task.

It's early into the evening now and I know I need to make some thing to eat for myself, I barely ate enough as it was and normally skip lunch and some times breakfast. Dinner was the only meal I ate regularly. I've thrown up once more since the first time and I decide to make soup tonight. It would be the lightest on my stomach and maybe help me feel better.

I've got the contents chopped and cooking on the front burner of our stove when I hear the front door open. I look at the clock in our kitchen to see it's already eight in the evening, I thought it had been earlier since the sun had been out still. I ignore the fact that I've heard him enter our house and continue on with what I was doing. I am adding the cooked broth I made from a few chicken bones I kept in with the vegetables and meat I have cooking in a large pot and give it a stir when I feel arms enclose around the middle of my stomach, a kiss is placed on top of my head. He does this when he comes home and I'm still awake. A hug and kiss, nothing more. I ignore the action and keep stir the soup around in the pot, waiting for it to boil. He rests his head on my right shoulder and looks at what I'm doing.

"Smells good." He speaks quietly. I almost want to give in and lean back into his strong chest but I refrain from losing that bit of control I have left.

"I wanted soup." He gives me a small hum. "I didn't know when you'd be back and I figured you already had eaten so I just went ahead and made whatever." He pulls away and I know he's leaving me to go change out of his work clothes.

"I had a late lunch but we can eat together if you'd like?" I peek over to him from over my shoulder and see him taking his shirt off as he walks up the stairs. I see the muscles flex as he removes the clothing and I want to feel his embrace once more. I want to feel him against me, touching me in places he has only touched once. I feel the tears coming once more and curse myself for being so over emotional. I felt so unwanted.

The smell of the soup hits me and I feel another wave of nausea hitting me. I hurriedly put the wooden spoon I'm holding on the counter and make my way to the bathroom once more. I was thankful we had two bathrooms in this house, one on the main level and one upstairs. I'm heaving up the tea I had earlier with bile. It burns my throat as I heave. I'm crying this time as the misery I'm feeling with my current problems with Peeta and this sickness comes over me. I can stop the tears or the sob that escapes me as I sit on the ground of the small bathroom. I hate this. I say that a lot. I hear footsteps race down the stairs as I cry harder, I don't want him to see me like this. To see I was so easily brought down by this change in our relationship. I grab some toilet paper from the roll on the wall and wipe away the spit that's stuck to my chin. My throat is raw and burning from the bile of my stomach and my eyes are hurting from the force of my heaves. I see him from the corner of my eye looking down at me from the doorway. I hang my head as the sobs die down and just a steady stream of tears are falling.

He kneels before me and lifts my head to look into my eyes. They're wide and concerned. Why does he care? He's been leaving me for the last couple weeks now, alone to fend for myself. "Have you been sick all day?" I pull away from his caress and look away, brows furrowed.

"What does it matter to you?" I rasp out. I need water but I don't want to move from my spot. I hear him sigh as he stands up. I hear the tap running for a moment then turned off. A cup is held out to me. I take it without a word and take a gulp of the cool water, letting it soothe the fire in my throat. My tears have finally stopped but I'm still a ball of nerves, making my body hum in anger and anguish. He's kneeling in front of me again and wiping off the stray tears from my cheeks.

"If you're sick, you should have told me. I would have-"

"You'd have what? Come home on time for once?" I spit out bitingly to him. I can't stop it. "You'd take care of me and make me well so that when you're gone again you can be in good conscious? I don't want to hear it. Now move so I can get up." I'm staring into his eyes as I speak so that he knows how mad I am at him now. To show his actions haven't gone unnoticed by me. I had been trying to be understanding and thought things between us would be better after our first time. Someone should have told me that sex complicates life more than it saves it. I try to move but he's got both hands on my shoulder now, holding me in place. I can tell he's offended by what I have said to him and I'm glad.

"What do you mean by that?" Again. Clueless.

"Don't tell me that you're not trying to avoid me. That the reason you've been home late almost every night isn't because you don't want to face me. Whatever I did that day obviously made you realize something. Clearly I'm not good enough for you any more, not since Delly came back into your life. Now move the fuck out of my way before I hurt you." I'm shaking as the anger and jealousy consumes my entire being. I go to stand and nearly fall over at the dizziness that's occupied my head now. I feel it coming over me once more and fall to my knees, face to the toilet once more, heaving into it. Please, just make it end. I feel his warm hand rubbing my back as I spit a few times into the toilet to get the taste out of my mouth. I don't want him comforting me like this, I don't want him touching me like this. I wanted him to touch me like he was my husband again. I swat him away as I get up, hands braced on the sink as I let the cool water run, splashing some on my face once more and rinsing my mouth out. He still hasn't left the bathroom. Couldn't he just take the hint already? He's blocking my exit from the bathroom and I huff, placing my hands on my hips, gesturing for him to speak before I lose it again.

"You think there's something between Delly and I?" Of course, that's the only thing he takes from it. He goes on before I have time to think of a reply. "Things have just been getting busy. With the influx of people coming into the district business has been coming in more steady. As for Delly, I've only been helping her get settled. She's only a friend." I almost scoff at this. I couldn't believe it.

"What about us then?" I ask.

"What about us?" He answers in a question, he wants me to elaborate. I press my lips together, thinking how I want to phrase my thoughts, what way would hit him the hardest. I don't understand what has come over me lately, it was like being a car, every turn a new emotion was there to greet me.

"After our first night, you haven't tried again. You even turned me away when I tried to initiate it. Have I already lost... that mystery to you? Did I do some thing wrong?" And now I'm feeling insecure and unsure. I'm already crying again as I try to finish what I was trying to say. "Y-you obviously don't want me, not after seeing Delly. I can't compete with that. And you barely talk to me any more! Even at night when we're laying in bed together it doesn't feel like you're really with me! You want to leave me, don't you? Why can't you just say something?" I'm in near hysterics now as I collapse in front of him, letting the tears wash me away once more. What was wrong with me? I'm wiping the tears away with angry fists, wanting this to stop. I wasn't weak. I refused to believe I was this weak. I'm breathing quickly and finding it hard to get enough air into my lungs. "Am I really that unbearable to be around?" I ask through the sobs that escape me. Letting them take me over as I lose the will to fight it any longer.

I'm being lifted lifelessly out of the bathroom and up the stairs. He's probably laying me in bed, hoping I will fall asleep so we can just forget this happened. He set me down and leaves me in the room. I'm sure he's leaving me for the night. This was one of our first real fights and I was just being downright cruel. I knew it but I didn't want to admit that out loud.

I'm surprised to hear our bedroom door close and a body enclosing around me, holding me tightly with strong arms. This is the most intimate we've been in weeks and a new wave of tears fall as I'm reminded again that this what I've been missing. I don't want to revel in this though, because he's getting ready to leave me, it's a matter of moments before he tells me, I know it. I curl into a tighter ball and let the tears fall silently.

Warm breath caresses my neck as he speaks to me, not above a whisper in our quiet room. "I would never leave you. Katniss. I would never leave you. I'm sorry." He repeats himself again and again as he holds me tighter and I feel him trembling against me. I feel the wetness fall lightly down my neck into my hair and can't tell if it's my or his tears that are there. "No one can't compete with you. You're too perfect for me. I'm sorry. I should have just talked to you about this. Haymitch told me it was a bad idea to avoid it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He's mumbling quietly but quickly to me. What should he have talked to me about? I don't understand what he's saying to me. "I couldn't bring myself to.. hurt you again. You said you had wanted it but I know it was for me. I knew you were lying and I took advantage. I couldn't let it happen again. I was hoping this would all just pass over. I was too busy thinking about what I thought you needed that I didn't bother asking you how you felt about this whole thing and for that, I'm sorry. I hurt you again." I turn in his arms and wrap myself around him. I'm crying onto his chest now as I let my fist rise and fall against his chest, angry at him for doing this to me. He only kepts his arms around me until I am finished beating his chest. My cries are turning into hiccups as I slowly calm down.

"I told you before-" I pause as I suck in another breath of air before continuing, " if I didn't want it, I wouldn't have let it happen. Why are you so adapt to just taking matters into your own hands without consulting me first on your decision? I can't take any more of this Peeta. You want me to keep open to you then you need to be open with me. I didn't marry you for no reason and I didn't give my body to you for no reason. For fuck sakes, you know I love you." I've sworn twice now, twice more than I ever do. I know of the words but refrain from using them.

Dinner.

I sit up, it's probably burned into the pot by now. Peeta looks at me for a moment before he understands what I'm thinking. "I turned it off and removed the pot from the burner, it's ok." He must have done that when he left me in the room by myself. I stay sitting up, deciding I was done letting my emotions get the best of me. I wipe off the remaining tears from my face and stare down at Peeta. If he had some kind of defense, now was the time to use it. He sits up next me and keeps eye contact. He lifts a hand and holds the side of my face with it, making sure we keep eye contact. "I'm sorry. I know nothing else I say is going to explain myself." He kisses me and I'm still so distraught that I don't respond. I'm being selfish with my emotions. He pulls away, his eyes are softer and I can tell he doesn't want to fight any more. He pulls me to him and I don't resist. He cradles my body with his own, letting his fingers trace along my clothed back. "How long have you been sick for?" he breaks the silence with this question. I give in to this change in atmosphere, too tired to even try putting up a fight any more, to get the answers my mind wants me to ask, it was pointless now that I finally had his attention again. It hits me that, that's what I had wanted this entire time, his attention back on me.

"It started earlier, some time in the afternoon. It only lasted for a few minutes and then I felt better, it only happened once more before you came home. It's probably just the flu or something. I'm feeling better now though." I want to brush off my little episode in the bathroom, I don't want that to be the focus right now. I wanted this moment with my Peeta to be calm, let me be comforted by his presence. I take matters into my owns and cup his face with my small fingers, closing the gap between us so that my lips brush against his. He meets me and kisses me back. I feel the fire ignite inside me and I want to be consumed by him. I want to engulf the being that is Peeta with my fire.

He doesn't brush me off this time when I strip him of his clothing and shed my own, he lets me have this moment and I say nothing in fear of ruining the moment I had wanted weeks before. I take the lead and let my hand grasp the member between his legs that is hard and almost twitching as it feels the warmth from my hand circle it. I try to mimic the actions he did our first time when he had touched me, made the fire in me explode. He's gasping and panting as I try to find a rhythm, stroking my hand from base to top and repeating, hoping I'm doing it right. His hand touches me and guides it to the tip where I see white specks leaking out. I'm fascinated by this and touch it, smearing it over the top of his.. penis, I felt embarrassed for even thinking the word. He hips buckle up against my hand and I give myself a pat on the back. I'm doing something right. I'm amazed that I've forgotten I am completely naked, sitting next to him as I stroke him. His hand is stopping me as I get enthralled with the motions of my hand, I had been moving quicker, from top to bottom, wanting to see what happens when he comes undone. I had not seen it last time, I had come before he had, thus missing it when my eyes shut tightly. I look at the hand that has stilled my own and look up to his face questioningly. He props himself up on his eyes and gives me a wry smile. "You. Need. To. Stop. Or. I'll. End. Up. Finishing. Before. You." He's panting between every breath and I wonder if it's taking him a lot of effort to hold back. He puffs out once more and continues speaking, he's not so winded now. "I want us to.. finish together if it's possible." I blush. Childish I know but I can't control it. I nod and let my hand fall back to my side.

He pulls me to him and I climb over him so that I'm straddling him, like I had our first time except this time I want to feel him in me like this. I wonder how it would feel. I just want to feel him in me, I want him to complete me again. I want to pretend that this last month never happened because I don't want to be miserable any more. Not like this. I don't wait and rub myself against him. I feel the way the length of him slides against me and I can't contain myself as I rub again. His lips are on mine, ravishing them, biting my lips with his teeth, and moaning into our kiss. It's exciting me, I feel the pressure at my core and I want the fire within me to be released again. I pull from our kiss and sit up, I will myself to stop rubbing against him, will my hips to stop as I try to figure out how to place him in me in this position. I really should have asked someone for advice on sex before ever jumping into it. I feel the inexperience now.

"We can switch, it'll probably be easier." He means we can switch positions to the one who had been in last time. But I want to be on top, I want to see his face clearly this time. I want to be the one to make him feel good, knowing it'll make me feel good too. I shake my head and move up a bit, letting the member between my thighs inch down, and I can feel the tip of it near my entrance. I try to thrust down only for it to slip between me once more. Well that obviously doesn't work. I huff. I feel him laughing below me. Embarrassment rushes through me at our situation. Both of us are naked. I'm on top of him. I'm having problems making this work. I'm completely humiliated in front of my husband because of my lack of knowledge in this field. I almost want to curl up and hide away but I hold firm, I don't want to give up. He sits up and kisses my collarbone, murmuring softly against my skin.

"How about we do this together. Think of it as two people learning the basics." Was this basic? I flush more. My train of thought is cut short when he reaches between our connected hips. I lift myself up a bit to help him up and I feel it again. It's below me and rubbing against my entrance. I don't give him time as I let my hips fall. His hand is still holding him steady as I lower myself slowly. My eyes are squeezed shut and I'm biting my lip. It hurts again, not as bad but there's still the burning sensation I experienced our first time. His hand has moved and joins the other in holding my hips, helping me to steady as I descend down onto him. I stop when I feel like I can't take any more. I'm biting back the tears from falling as I try to tell myself to relax. That's what I had done last time and it worked. My body just needed to stop being so tense. His lips are kissing any part of me he can as I move a little, the burning slowly fading and I can feel the.. bliss- In it's wake.

"Are you ok?" He's breathing heavily in my ear as I move my hips again, this time wiggling them a bit to try and adjust myself around him. I nod silently, letting tiny moans escape my mouth and almost scream out when a wet tongue licks my nipple. I'm shuddering and feel myself already close to coming. I don't remember being so sensitive, then again he hadn't touched my breast or seen them bare. Maybe they were just extra sensitive. I wondered if that was normal for girls?

I lift myself off of him an inch and fall back down. The slight burning and pleasure mingle together and I shudder again. I repeated this action until I was sliding almost completely off of him and slamming back down. It's quick and I don't realize I'm coming until I'm screaming his name out, grabbing fistfuls of his sandy blond hair in my small hands. I feel my body jerking and shaking as I convulse around him. He hasn't come yet and is waiting for me to stop the spasms wracking my body. Just as it stops I'm already getting excited again, his length is inside me still and it feels too good for me to do anything else but to start moving again. He's surprised at how quickly I've recovered but goes with it. I'm trying to move my legs so that they can wrap around his back but somethings stopping me. My left leg is stuck in blankets, I didn't notice the blanket before and now it's presenting a problem. I don't want to stop moving though and he's thrusting up to meet my falling hips, he's distracting me from my movements and I want to wrap myself around him, it should be bring us closer. I stop my movement and focus solely as untangling my foot from the sheets and ever so slightly I'm falling over. His hands stop me and he's stopped moving now, noticing I'm trying to do something. Oh god, when would I be able to look at him without a blush? I've been nothing but clumsy this entire time. He's watching me through half lidded blue eyes, blond lashes barely visible. I lick my lips as I stare at him in mid motion.

"My leg. Uh- it's stuck." He peeks over to my leg side and seeing the leg trying to pull out of the blanket. He rests his head against my shoulder and I hear him chuckling. I take the distraction and finally manage to free my foot. I quickly wrap my legs around him, the heels of my feet rest against the small of his back. I feel him slide in deeper and I'm pleased. I'm crying out to the darkness in our room and I rock back and forth. He's moaning into my ear, holding me, moving me as we move more and more erratically against one another. I'm getting close again and I lock my arms around his neck, burying my head there, trying to keep myself grounded. His deep voice is carrying over my own and I feel myself being lifted off the bed. The cool wall meets my back and I hold onto him tighter with my legs, not wanting to fall. My head hits the wall when he slams into me but I hold back the yell of pain I sustain. He's obviously getting close and I am too. My nails are digging into the soft skin of his back, encouraging him to let go. We're close and I'm panting faster, my heels are digging into his back, shoving him closer, making him go harder. I'm finished and I'm screaming his name out once more to the night. I'm thrusting and jerking against him, tightening around him as he gives his final thrust into me. I feel the hot liquid coating the inside of me as he pumps in and out a few more times. He is stumbling back to the bed with me wrapped around him and collapse on the bed. I don't want to move and savor this moment once more. Being wrapped in his arms, our bodies coated in a sheen of sweat, and panting heavily. My body was humming lightly, reveling in the after glow of what we had just done.

"I love you." He says quietly to me. I smile sleepily. He slips out of me and turns us around, laying me on the bed and getting up. I watch him intently as he grabs a towel from the closet and comes back over with it. He's wiping himself off and helps me wipe my lower area, my limbs are still jelly. The towel is tossed onto the flower and he's coming back to join me in bed. Our bed is destroyed, the blanket is half on the floor, a pillow is by the window, and another is by the door. How we managed that, I didn't know. He pulls me over to him to curl up next to him. The bed could wait to be made, I was too tired and comfy to think of moving.

And just for a night, all my worries were gone. The nightmares stayed at bay. My mind was only filled with Peeta.. Until I woke up at three in the morning running buck naked to the bathroom, heaving into the toilet. Maybe something was wrong.

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><p>AN: Sooo... another chapter out and it's much longer. I didn't think I'd end up doing another lemon so soon, but it kind of just moved in that direction in this chapter. I'm sure you can guess what's going on with her and you should keep an open mind. It only takes one time. Anyways, questions will be answered next chapter, I may have based some of the things that happen off of the movie The Back Up Plan, if you've seen it... then you know where I drew some of my inspiration from when you read this. Hope you enjoyed it and I'm already writing another chapter. So R&R!


	6. Ch 6: Say Goodnight

A/N: So another chapter like promised. It's not as long as the previous two, but it's a decent length. There's an A/N at the bottom to read after you finish reading this chapter. Not sure exactly where I'm heading with this story... I got ahead of myself and just let my fingers type away the words... thus we're now at chapter 6. Editing will be in progress for the later chapters very soon. This will be the last chapter for year two and will be progressing further ahead in the upcoming chapters. :)

All I ask to those that are reading this story, subscribe and review!

Reminder- I don't own the hunger games trilogy, characters, etc. They belong to Susan Collins. But I did write this story.

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><p><strong>A Lullaby to Soothe the Demons Within<strong>

_Chapter 6_

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><p><em>Peeta's POV<em>

_2 years and 4 moths since returning to District Twelve_

It's been a few weeks now since our fight.. and what had followed after wards. She was still getting sick at random times of the day. I was getting worried but she insisted she was fine. She didn't look unhealthy or anything and that was worrying me more. I decided to cut my hours back in the last two weeks just to make sure I was around more. I was also doing it just to make it up to her after leaving her alone so much. I know I had put my distance between us because I, for whatever stupid reason, felt it was better. I hadn't been completely honest with my Kat. It had to do with someone else, one I knew she wasn't ready to see yet. Gale. I had heard he'd be back for a couple months to help with the remainder of the repairs the district needed. I wasn't sure what his presence would do to her, whether it bad or good, neither were in my favour. Worst case for her, seeing him sets off one of her more violent episodes and good case, her and Gale make up and become close again. Worst case for me, they make up and become close again. I know I am wrong for thinking that way and I would never tell her that, but I know I wouldn't be able to stand losing her. I knew I was still a little uneasy as far of their relationship went, even if they weren't on speaking terms right now. I know I should tell her but we've gone through a lot already. I was still reassuring her at times that there was nothing with Delly and I.

It's spring outside now and I've decided we are going to clean up outside, fixing up the garden in the process. It's Saturday and my day off. I know she enjoys this day the most because we get the whole day to us. She's come down dressed in light sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt, my t-shirt. I laugh. The attire makes her look as is she's shrunk in height. She gives me a half glare as she pulls her hair into a high pony tail, getting the hair out of her face. I see the slightest bit of skin exposed at the gesture, right where she hip bones meet her torso. I think of the skin under that shirt and have to nearly slap myself to get away from those thoughts. I think I ravished her enough last night, if my back was any indicator. Long thin scraps ran down my back, proof of what she had done to me. She's been more than eager in our night activities, though satisfying her has become a task for me. I wonder if all girls are like this? Hard to satisfy? I wouldn't say she was hard to satisfy but she was difficult because she always wanted to go again. I feel like we've learned a lot about each others' bodies in the last couple weeks, she made sure of that. I don't mind it though, because in those moments she is the purest to me. Her face is free of worry and fear during our times together and it seems to be the only thing that does that.

I hold out a plate of cinnamon sugar toast to her, she takes the plate, not even thinking about if I may want any and sits at the table. It had become her new favourite food to eat, along with cheese buns. I was happy to see her eating more and to be at healthier weight. I don't complain because this has been good for her. I go back to cooking the topping for the pancakes I am making. She asked me last night if I could use some of the fruit she had brought home to make topping for pancakes. She's only ever had it once and that had been a treat I made for her just days after I returned. She said it was ok but she wasn't a huge fan. I decided to keep finding and cooking the thing that she may be a fan of. There was a few things she really liked. Funny she seemed to like it now. I wonder what changed. I set the large stack of pancakes on the table and then pour the cooked sugary fruit mix into a measuring cup so that she can pour as she pleases. I set an empty plate in front of her and a fork and knife on either side. She smiles up at me and I don't resist leaning over to give her a lingering kiss before I let her eat breakfast. "Morning" I say to her as I pull away. Her eyes are lidded and lips slightly parted before she finally replies.

"Morning, Peeta." She knows I like when she says my name. She picks up four pancakes with her fork, setting one on top of each other and I stare at her in amazement. Where was she putting all this food she consumed? She puts a generous amount of the fruit mix I made on top and sets it closer to me back on the table. I shake my head with a grin plastered on my face and grab some food for myself. She's gotten through half when she's running to the bathroom, I hear the noise coming from there and know that whatever she has just eaten is now in the toilet. I wait a moment, wondering if I should go check on her when the toilet flushes and the tap runs for a moment before she comes back out. She's rubbing her stomach absentmindedly with her right hand as she comes back to the table. She gives me a sheepish grin. "Sorry, I was feeling fine when I got up and I'm fine now." I'm worried, I don't like how this has been going on for some time now. Her vomiting comes randomly and we never know when to expect it or what sets it off but whenever she does comes back she's hungry again and the second time she eats it stays down. "Get that look off your face, I'm fine. My stomach is probably still adjusting to the richness of the food we get each week from the resources they send the district. It's ok." She's trying to get me to drop it, but I know that is just ridiculous logic. If it was an issue it would have been an issue back when we first started eating the food. She's tired of my worrying, she's called me a mother hen a couple times when I've annoyed her enough.

But it wasn't just the vomiting that was concerning me, it was the nightmares at night she was having. For whatever reason they seemed to be getting worst, yet she didn't even bat a lash the next day as she goes about her normal routine, almost as if she has forgotten what the dream was about. I don't understand what's going on within her body but it's only making my concern greater. I sigh, signalling I'm letting it go for now as I start to clean up the dishes. She's digging into the other half of the pancakes that were still on her plate, chewing slowly and relishing the taste in her mouth. You can tell she's in pure bliss right now with each bite. I don't think I've ever seen her enjoy something so much. Well that was a lie. When we would make love at night this was the her I always saw. That was the other thing, she had become more demanding in just the short few weeks, asking me for things I wasn't even sure of and some times I'd lay next to her after we were done wondering what had been going through her mind. For me, I always believed that a man laid with a woman because of love, that was the reason, having with someone you were not committed to just seemed so wrong. I've been told I'm 'old fashioned'. I viewed every encounter we had as making love, not, ah, fucking. She had referred to it as that a few times, the first time I nearly choked on the biscuit I had been eating, wondering where she had learned such a word. Haymitch. He had told her that word and what to use it for. I should have known it was him. He was crude and blatant with his words any time you spoke to him.

I just felt so in the dark about something, because she seemed so different. Her mood was hot and cold constantly, never knowing what to expect from her so I learned to not push my luck with things. I was surprised to see her agree so willingly to work on the garden and outside today. Usually she doesn't bother with it because of the Primroses I planted outside the house. It was suppose to be a memorial for her sister but she just saw it as a constant reminder of what she'd lost. I had suggested removing them but she said they made the house look more homey and said it was ok that they were there. So I tended to them every year during the warm seasons.

I finish cleaning the dirty dishes as she polishes off whatever had been left of the pancakes. I laugh once more. She was becoming a bottomless pit. "Take those pills next to on the table. They're garlic tablets I ordered a few weeks back, it's suppose to help with nausea." I nod my head to the two large, beige horse pills that are next to a cup of water I set out for her earlier. She picks one up and looks at it.

"How am I suppose to swallow this? It's huge!" Why was she so resistant at times?

"It's not that bad. Just drink a lot of water with them. It'll be better if you're feeling better while we're outside." I set the wash clothe down to drape over the faucet to dry and turn fully to face her, supporting myself against the counter. She's making pouty faces at the pills but finally complies and manages to swallow them down. I move over to her and kiss the top of her head lightly. "Get your shoes on. It's nice out today so it'll make our job a bit more enjoyable. You still want to do the eavestrough?" She stands up and stretches her limbs as she contemplates it for an instant.

"Might as well get it done and over with. Besides it's not going to change me going up there since you have too many problems with your leg. Lets just do it today. We'll grab the ladder from the back shed." I nod. She did this last year as well, as we found that ladders and me don't mix well. Between the leg and the height, a broken collarbone was much better than what could have happened to me when I fell.

Fifteen minutes later and I'm standing at the base of the ladder, giving Katniss any assistance she needs as she takes out the leaves that are plugging the eavestroughs, letting them fall to the ground. We'd rake them up later. She hums softly as she works on this small task. I can only watch for the most part and listen to her. I was there more to make sure the ladder was supporting her properly. I'm looking around to the budding trees in the yards around us when I see a figure walking towards the little victors' village. I can't make out who it is at first until they come into view. I'm frozen to the spot I'm standing on as I see who it is. Mr. Tall. Dark. And Handsome was making an appearance so soon after getting here. Katniss hasn't noticed yet and I wonder if I can get him to leave before she does. But when does my plans ever work out?

Shit.

His voice is clear as he speaks, loud enough for anyone near by to hear him. "Catnipp." He calls her by the nickname he gave her years ago and it's all I think before I hear the sounds from above me. The seconds tick by like minutes as everything plays in slow motion before my eyes. I'm trying to run to the other side as I see her body falling backwards towards the ground. I make it to her just in time for her to fall on me, her small, lean back collides onto my chest and I fall to the paved ground below me. My head hits the cement and my teeth clash at the impact but I ignore it as I move to see if she's unharmed.

The damage is done though. There's blood staining her clothes...

I've been sitting in the small clinic for two hours now, waiting to hear news of my wife. He's here too. I want to punch him and tell him to get the hell out of here but I don't have the strength to do that right now. I just want to know that she's alright. I let my head fall into my hands, rubbing my fingers through my hair, brushing past the goose egg that's on the back of my skull. I had been the lucky one of the two of us, only a bump and a few scrapes and bruises on my back and arms. But there had been so much blood on her and I can't figure out what the cause was. I see a nurse leave the room she's in and stand up. I stop her, hoping she can give me some answers.

"Is sh- she ok?" It's all I can manage to ask the woman. The woman looks at me and sees who I am. She gives me a sad small and I am expecting the worst when she opens her mouth.

"She's ok, but the baby didn't make it. It was still too young to sustain the impact. Your wife is sleeping right now and we're doing a blood transfusion just to make sure her blood levels are normal. The doctor will be out soon so you'll be able to ask him any questions." But I'm at a loss for words when she leaves. Katniss was ok. She was alive and breathing. Baby. The nurse had said baby. What baby? Wait... she had said baby right? I'm looking at my shaking hands as it all begins to make sense. The weird eating habits, the puking, the mood swings. My mother had told me many times how big of a pain I was when she was pregnant with me. The cravings, the morning sickness, the mood swings she supposedly endured while she carried me had been a pain to her. But I never thought to associate that with what was going on with Katniss, I thought maybe it was progress and an unknown illness she had contracted. Neither of us would think it was because of a pregnancy. I fall back to my chair I was occupying moments before and stare at the sterile white wall in front of me.

"I'm sorry for the loss." He's speaking to me. I want him to leave before I actually did do something to him. "Honestly, I didn't think you two really would be together much less starting a family already. I almost thought that-"

"-that she'd just be here waiting for you to return?" I cut him off. " After everything that's happened that's probably the most laughable thing I've heard you say since you found me in the capitol. You should have said something before coming here and if you know what's best for you then you'll leave right now. Obviously she can't handle seeing you yet, so I'd rather you didn't push my wife to do something she is not willing to go through with right now." He stands up and walks over to me. I don't look up at him, refusing to acknowledge him any more than I have to much less try and explain that the baby was some thing either of us knew about.

"I didn't mean for that to happen! I didn't expect her to fall off the ladder. Just... tell her I came to visit and make sure she was alright. It's not like I'll be far for the next several months. I would like to talk to her though." He's leaving and when I think he's gone his voice carries over to me once more. "Tell you're wife-" he says it as if the word actually tastes bad, "-that I'm sorry." I hear his footsteps fade away from where we are and I'm left in silence once more.

"Mr. Mellark?" I'm startled at the new voice beside me and sit up. I had been staring at the tiled flooring for an hour, though my mind was not here. The doctor is sitting next me with a board in his hands. "You're wife is fine. She's got some bruises and scraps, but otherwise she's fine physically but.." he trails off and I'm waiting to hear about the baby we have lost today. "...she did have a miscarriage. The impact was too much and she ended up losing the baby. I'm sorry."

"How far along had she been?"I ask, my voice raspy as I try to keep the tears from escaping.

"Roughly three months. Did you know about the pregnancy?" He asks me and I shake my head, signalling that I knew nothing of this and I don't think she did either. The doctor nods and continues on. "She would have just been hitting her first trimester. With this, she'll be noticing some tenderness around where her uterus and abdominal is. We will be wanting to see her again in a week from today to see how she is coping and how her body is healing up internally. But we'd like you to keep a close eye on her as well. There's an illness called Postpartum depression and with such a situation and past background, she is at high risk for it. I'll give you some pamphlets to read about it to gain an understanding about it and what to look out for. Otherwise, she'll be ready to go home as soon as she wakes up. You can go in now to see her." I watch him get up and I feel the anguish wash over me at the news. He sets a hand on my shoulder for a moment before leaving.

Baby. It had to have been from our first time. It's the only time we had done anything three months ago. But we had only done it once, how could we have made a baby on the first try? Thinking of the innocent life we've just lost, my son or daughter, crashes over me and I weep. We hadn't even had a chance to meet them or know of their existence before they were taken from us. I see any hope for us having children one day go out the window along with our happy, cozy life we had finally started to establish. The nightmares were going to be worst.

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><p>AN: Done another chapter... which is probably filled with mistakes since it's after 2am here and I'm dead beat tired right now. I just wanted to explain a few things.

Some pregnant women are more sexually charged during their pregnancy and are usually hyper sensitive to any touches their body receives. If you've ever seen The Back Up Plan starring then you can understand this.

Even during their first trimester, some women eat A LOT. I don't lie. Seeing my mother when I was younger, when she was pregnant with my little sister showed me how much one pregnant woman can eat and what weird cravings they are over come with.

Mood swings can be a bitch... and even women who are not pregnant and go through their menstrual cycle often get moody. It's really no different. I've based much of the information in this story off what I've learned through schooling and from other people I know personally.

I'm also looking for a beta if anyone is up to the challenge. Mostly to help me fix small mistakes, improper words used in sentences. Grammar mistakes. I found out about a year ago that I'm dyslexic and explains my problems with words and such. So I'm looking for someone who is fairly good at english, has a good grasp for grammar, and even a wide range of words in their vocabulary. If you have these qualities I would love to hear from you. You can email me at meowmouth2005hotmail[dot]com

Last, if you read this story, I love feedback, good and bad. So leave a comment before you leave. Please?


	7. Ch 7: Bye, Baby

A/N: Just a warning, this chapter is also unedited, though I tried to edit while I was writing. Kind of a filler chapter.

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><p><strong>A Lullaby To Soothe The Demons<strong>

**Chapter 7**

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><p><em>*3 Years Since Returning to District 12*<em>

_Katniss' POV_

I hear the voice in the other room speak in just a whisper and I know it's about me. I can't bring myself to care much because there really isn't much in my life that matters right now. Yet his whispers drift into the room I'm in and I can hear his words. His concern is evident in his voice as he talks to whoever is on the other side on the line.

"I don't know if she's getting any better. She seems fine when she goes out but as soon as she comes home she just sits in the sitting room, on the couch and stares at nothing." He's silent for a moment before speaking again. "Yes, her nightmares have gotten worst. She has been reacting more violently when she sleeps. I don't know what to do, even my presence isn't helping." I know my nightmares have gotten worst, more graphic, different. There's more blood in them than I remember from my previous dreams. Disfigured bodies. A being who is barely developed lays in my arms, blood covering it's dis-formed body, lays there motionless while I cradle it to my body. It lurks in my dreams every night and I hate myself even more with every night I wake up screaming, crying, thrashing in the bed waking Peeta in the process. To know that the unborn child I lost was bothering me so much hurt even though I have been so against having children since I was young. Peeta married me knowing I did not want children and that made it easier for me. But my mind refused to let go of the loss. I hear him sighing and imagine he's running a hand through his already ruffled blond locks.

"I don't want to trouble you, really you don't need to come here. Really. Maybe for a week then? Alright, when you get things figured out give me a call to let me know the plan. Alright. Have a good night Ms. Everdeen." I figured he was talking to my mom. I let it go, again the my lack of care over comes me and I turn to look out the window, watching the setting sun. I hear his heavy footsteps approaching me.

"Katniss. Hey. Come on, dinner is ready." He's pulling me up from the couch and I comply, letting him lead me to the kitchen where he has dinner set out on our small table. I sit on the chair he leads me to and he sits across from me. I can tell he's going to try and coax me to talk tonight. Just like every other night. I try to answer him these days so that he stops worrying about me. I can't stand him hovering over me daily like a dotting mother. He's even been working less now than he was nine months ago. The bakery was lucky if they saw him in even once a week now a days. I know it's taking a toll on him especially since I see how much of a toll it's taking on me. I've lost more weight, my ribs and hips so visible now it was hard to keep my clothing on my body. I had to pin my pants at the waist just so they'd stay on. I pick up my fork and start my nightly routine of playing with the food on my plate. Pushing things around a bit on the plate.

"How was hunting today?" I nod my head at him, to acknowledge I heard him, but don't answer. He asks this every night at dinner. "Catch anything?" I shake my head, signalling I hadn't caught anything.

"Gale wants to see you." That stops me. My fork falls to my plate and I look up at my husband, at Peeta and I finally see just how worn out he really is. It's like a bucket of cold water has fallen on me and I'm only now waking up. He is staring at me, holding my gaze. Dark circles, dull blue eyes, drab, greasy blond hair, it's all I can see when I finally look at him with clear, open eyes. I can't help the over whelming feeling of remorse take over and I can't stop the tears that fall. But I'm crying more than just for him, but for everything that has gone on in our lives. It's all hitting me too quickly and the sobs are tumbling out as I feel any amount of control I had over myself walk away, leaving me falling to the floor in a complete mess. I can hear myself mumbling incoherently and feel the arms circling me, pulling me towards the warm body.

"W-why? Dad... dad." My father. The guilt and longing for him captures me first. Then Prim. And I'm apologizing to her ghost on not protecting her, for not doing more. Then my mother and a whole new wave of guilt washes over me. All my lost time with my only living relative, my mother, the one who brought me into this world. I missed her, I craved for her motherly embrace, her soothing words, and just the calmness that only a mother can give their child. Finnick and Annie, their child who would never get to meet their father. Gale. I cry at my loss of my closest friend and Madge, thinking of how I couldn't save her from the bombing. Our child. The one I didn't think I had wanted. Then Peeta. The only one who has been by my side since the Hunger Games, who knew more than anyone the traumatizing things witnessed in the arenas. The fact that I haven't been there for him for almost a year makes me grasp him to me, pull him closer to me as I cry out, apologizing profusely to him, telling him how inadequate I am as a wife to him.

"Y-you deserve better than this!" I let out a hiccup and pursue on. "I can't ask you to stay here any more. You shouldn't be living like this and letting me bring you down." Despite my words for him to leave me, I only hold him tighter. I realize too late I'm speaking more. "I'm sorry. Please don't leave me. I can't do this on my own. I-I-I can't live on my own like this. Please don't leave me." I'm begging him to not leave, already thinking in my mind that he's packed up and ready to go.

"Why would I leave after everything we've gone through?" He huffs and grips me tighter. "I wouldn't leave you, I'm not leaving you and I don't plan to ever leave you. I love you. We'll get through this. I think it'll be good if your mum does come here for a week." I nod against his chest, agreeing that maybe seeing her would help. "Did the thought of seeing Gale really set you off though? If that's what it was going to take maybe I should have suggested a meeting earlier." I knew he was still in the district, after the fall he hadn't come to see me, but I had heard he was planning on moving back here. I didn't bother trying to find out why. If he hadn't come then things would have been different, maybe I would have been happy with the unexpected news? But the thought of seeing Gale now had awaken a fear in me and in a rush my demons all came out, the result was my current situation. Me on the floor and Peeta holding me, comforting me as he always did. It was normal for him to do this and honestly, I knew it wasn't right because when he did have an episode I ran away. I had stayed once and ended up with a broken rib. Peeta had blamed himself for days and stayed in a state where the guilt consumed him. It had taken a lot of convincing on my part to finally get him to stop blaming himself and even then when he felt an episode approaching he told me to run. I did as he said, I couldn't stand having him go on a guilt spree again because of an injury I may sustain. I was horribly selfish and the hate I had for myself was great.

"Katniss, please talk to me. Tell me what's going through your mind. Please?" I hear the pleading tone in his voice. Our lack of communication, my lack of communication, was only straining our already fragile relationship but I was never good with words. In my mind it all made sense but as soon as I tried to get the words out of my mouth it always came out jumbled and made no sense at all, at least to my own ears. Peeta always knew what I meant, took my nonsensical words and made them make sense. He was the one with words.

I look down at his hands that are around me, holding me to his warm body while I try to gather my thoughts, sorting them so that each thought was it's own. I'm tentative when I speak, the first thought is the first to escape my lips quietly. "The baby," I pause as I try to form words to the feelings I had about the unborn being that once was inside me. "I never thought I'd want children. I always refused the thought of even having them, I couldn't fathom the thought." Blues eyes are glued to me, searching my face, from my dry lips, red eyes, to the tear streaks on my cheeks. I continued on while I still had the courage to share these inner thoughts with him, before I decided to close back up. "After it was gone, after I lost it I realized the idea of having a family with you wasn't as scary as it seemed. But now I can't even stand to think of the idea of having one again." His thumbs is wiping away a tear streak as more fall.

"You're afraid you're just going to lose it again, right?" Again, he understood me better than any body else ever did. I nod my head. "What happened wasn't your fault-"

"Please don't say that! I don't want to hear that! So many things that have happened were all because of me and everyone keeps telling me that it isn't my fault. I'm tired of hearing that, I'm tired of being lied to." And it's true. They all say that, my mom, Peeta, the people of twelve who also lost loved ones during the bombing. They all say it wasn't my my fault. But things happened because of me. "Our baby. Prim. Gale. You. Everyone from twelve. You all have suffered because of me. It's my fault." A new wave of tears begin to fall and I feel Peeta's hand embracing the side of my face, trying to get me to look into his eyes. I can' stand it, knowing that he's comforting me again.

"What happened in the past, you had no control over." I shake my head, disregarding his words. "Katniss! Look at me. We can't keep going on like this!" His words are sharp and laced with anger. "Fuck. It's not your fault. You have no control over the actions of other people. You had no control over what was done, you didn't have a choice. Why do you still keep blaming yourself for something that you didn't do? The things we endured, the people who have passed on, you didn't do that." I finally look at him, taking in his sad blue eyes. My heart breaks a bit more. I finally let my fingers run over the skin of his face, brushing aside some hairs on his forehead. Haymitch had been right many years ago, I could live a thousand life times and still not deserve the being that was now holding me.

"Your hijacking." I stop, this is a topic we have barely discussed. I'm always too afraid to talk about it and he always found a way to change topics. "It did happen because of me. You know as well as I do that Snow did it as a way to hurt me. He knew how important you were to me. He hurt you because of me Peeta." I pause, letting the words sink in for the both of us. His expression changes and I know he is thinking of a way to change subjects, not even able to deny this tiny fact. I go on before he can speak. "I know it is still affecting you. When you go to the room above your bakery at night when you think I'm asleep, I know a nightmare has triggered an episode for you. I've followed you before, heard the smashing inside, the yells and screams. Yet I always run away before I go up there to you. I've seen your eyes flash as something sparks a memory and you try to figure out if it's real or not. You're like this because of me. I don't deserve you but I'm too selfish to ever give you up." He doesn't speak and I worry a little. I worry that I've pushed him this time.

His grip only tightens around me and I'm surprised. He lowers his head to the crook of my neck and inhales deeply, I feel his warm breath tickle the skin as he speaks. "It's true, Snow was using me to get to you. We both know that. But you can't blame yourself for it happening. I've gotten better and you obviously have gotten better too. You're just bad for always keeping things to yourself. It makes me happy in a way to know you're grieving the baby because I never even thought that children was an option for us and I'm ok with it because I'm with you. But knowing that you're grieving the loss too, it shows how much you're changed. So please, stop focusing on the negative things, you need to stop putting yourself through this because you're never going to move on with your life if you're going to be stuck in the past. Prim wouldn't have wanted that. It's time to face some of those demons that you've been hiding away." I know he's right. He's always right and I'm surprised that he's even right about our child. Once it was gone I realized that the idea of it really wasn't so bad, that I would have wanted it.

I sit up, pushing myself away from him and wipe the lingering tears off my face. I shouldn't be like this, Prim wouldn't have wanted me to live my life this way. I run my hand through my oily hair as I gather my thoughts back up.

"Maybe starting a family wouldn't be so bad." It's a start and I refuse to acknowledge Gale wanting to see me. I'm not ready for that yet, not ready to face him just yet. I'm still cowardly and needed to do things at my pace. Seeing my mother first was what I wanted to do. Knowing she was coming here would help me figure out where to go next, especially if I really was ready to move on from my own ways and views of children and have one of my own. One that would be made up of Peeta and I.

"There's the girl I fell in love with." A soft smile plays at his lips as he trails his fingers along my jaw line. "Welcome back." And I'm happy to feel back again, the feeling of me is slowly returning to my body and I'm becoming well aware of how neglected I've become to myself. I owed Peeta a lot but when has that changed?

TBC..

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><p>AN: So not super long and I kind of had a writers block on this chapter. . I've been stuck to say the least on where I wanted to go with this chapter. Not sure where I'm completely going with this story, I know it's going to lead up to the epilogue of Mockingjay, that's about as far as I've gone with it. Any suggestions on where you see this going, let me know in the comments!

As always R&R! I love reviews! And thank you to those who have reviewed so far, I'm still getting familiar with this site so I haven't been able to fix some of the things I would like to fix. And to my one reviewer who asked for more dialogue, I hope this was good! :) See you guys next chapter!


	8. Ch 8: Mighty Like a Rose

**A/n: **So this chapter is a little different. I do apologize, it's got some OOC-ness in it. I see this story slowly going into a different direction than I originally thought it would but I'm liking it so far. I just wanted to give warning now, don't say I didn't tell you so. Also, more lemony goodness in this chapter.

**On Another Note:** I just went through this chapter, tried to edit some times, changed a bit around in the lemon.

Saving Butt- I keep forgetting about this! Anyways, I do not own the Hungry Games triolgy, characters, plot, etc they all belong to the wonderful Susan Collins! I merely am using them to create a story! This fan fiction is mine and I did write it, so please don't steal. :)

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><p><strong>A Lullaby to Soothe the Demons Within<strong>

_Chapter 8_

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><p><em>Peeta's POV<em>

_3 Years 2 Months since returning to District 12_

I'm wiping sweat off my forehead once more as I finish decorating the cupcakes for the display case at the front of the store. It's a hot day out and the heat from the ovens is only intensifying the heat wave. I sigh and put down the piping bag I had been using, pick up the tray and bring it out front. The icing is starting to melt a little and it would be a waste if all melted. No one likes buying messy cup cakes or cakes.

We're getting the store ready to open for the day, we usually opened at seven AM though most of us were here by five to get things baked and ready to go for those who were getting bread for their breakfast meal. We had ten minutes until the store opened. It's amazing how hot it already is outside when the sun's barely been up yet. I'm sure Katniss will be please, now that she's back to her more normal self and hunting again there should be plenty of game out today for her to target. I smile a bit, thinking she probably is also cursing this heat wave.

Things were better; she seemed a little better. She was back to her routine, I was back to mine and it had especially helped her when her mother came. She had stayed for a week and watched Katniss while I was at work. I think the time they spent together brought them a little closer. It had surprised me when I came home one night, Katniss and her mother were in our bathroom upstairs together. I had heard the soft melody floating in the air as I reached near the top of the stairs. Katniss was singing softly to her mum, the melody of the Hanging Tree. A song her father had taught her. As far as I knew, she had stopped singing it when her mother had gotten angry at her and her father over it. I suppose she was over that as she hummed along with Katniss' melodic voice. I peaked by as I walked to our room to change to see her mom washing her brown locks for her. Katniss had her eyes closed and for a minute I saw the girl who was five again. The one who I met our first day of school who knew the Valley song. My love for her grew ten times more that night.

By the end of the week when we were sending her mother off back to Four Katniss cried and told her mum that we'd visit next time. That she wouldn't wait so long to see her next time. I realized that something in my fire girl had changed since our last talk, since her last break down and I really had hope that this time it would be a permanent and good change.

I finished placing the last cupcake in the display and closed it back up in time to see our first customer of the day enter the shop. I was a little more than surprised to see Delly here so early. I hadn't seen her much lately, trying to focus my spare time on Katniss. We'd see each other briefly when she came in to get bread in the morning for her and her brother.

"Morning, Delly, what can I get you today? You're up a bit early." I say in a cheerful tone as I move back behind the counter. Normally when she did come in, it wasn't so early, I normally expected to see her around nine or so. What could I say though? I change my normal routine around some times too.

She clasps her hands together and looks at me, a look of worry flashes through her eyes and I wonder what she wants to say. She sighs quietly before she finally speaks.

"I wanted to let you know, Gale is going to look for Katniss tomorrow in the woods. He's planning to come by here first and have a talk with you. I wanted to give you the heads up though so you wouldn't be caught off guard." I soak it in, turning it over in my head as it begins to click. I always hated Gale's approach to Katniss. He may have known her well when we were young, but he knew nothing of her now. He didn't know present Katniss and I did. I am the one that understood her best, knew the pain she's gone through and went through half of it myself while by her side. I'm brought back by my thoughts when Delly is speaking again. "-doing?" I shake my head a bit.

"Sorry, what?" I had missed what she asked. My thoughts were occupying my mind, replaying scenes of us from the games, the war, my time in the capitol. I can't stop them and I can feel my hands shaking a bit. It's no wonder she doesn't want to see Gale, not when he induces such strong memories. "I'm sorry, um, t-thanks for the information. I need to go." I'm a bit rude and my voice is shaking as I speak. I almost run up the stairs, but they're not stairs, I'm not in the upstairs room of my bakery any more. All I can see is the sterile light blue walls of the room I was kept in during my days in the capitol.

I feel the needles touching the skin of my arm, piercing through my flesh, and I'm trying to fight them off desperately as they puncture my skin, injecting the venom into my veins, letting it mingle into my blood stream. I'm crying out, screaming for them to stop. The people in the white suits are gone as quickly as they came but those voices, sinister and unrelenting are there immediately. I hear her voice, seductive yet condescending.

"Such a fool, Peeta."

"How could you have loved a mutt like me, how stupid do you have to be to fall in love with me?" "Remember all those kisses we had in the cave Peeta? I faked everything. I was only playing you."

"I never liked you, never loved you, never will love you."

"Our baby I was pregnant with, you remember right? The one we had before the quarter quell? I killed it."

"If I ever loved anyone, it couldn't have possibly been you."

"Gale, he's much better than you. Him and I have been together this entire time, I just needed you so I could live. You were never important to me."

"Gale is better than you, stronger, and knows me much better. He's obviously a better fit for me. Gosh Peeta," the voice laughs before continuing, "you don't think you could actually compete with him do you? What a joke!"

Her laughs are horrible as she tells me how much she loved Gale, not me. Laughing again and again when she tells me I was a fool. I'm turning the only table in the room upside down, throwing whatever my hands land on against the wall. I'm muffling my screams with my fist, biting it so hard that I'm bleeding into my mouth. I don't know how long I am like this before I realize my surroundings once more and see my destroyed room. There's really not a whole lot to break in here any more, no, I've already gotten to them ages ago.

I hope no one had heard me, I can never look into their eyes when I come back down. I can only imagine the things I shout out during those times. My leg is sore, my arms are heavy and my head throbs as it does every time after an episode. Working just wasn't going to happen today. I stand up and and wipe my face off. Tears and sweat mingle together. Even to have an episode has caused the sweat to pour down a little more. Yes, home it was today. I make it downstairs, Delly long gone by now and my guys are pretending to be too busy to notice I was gone. I'm sure they heard every scream and word I threw out there. I don't say anything about it though. They know how I am and I appreciate that they don't treat me any differently because of it.

"Hey, thinking today is just not a working day for me guys. Think you'll be ok on your own?"

"Sure, it's not like we don't know how to bake." My second in command, so to say, Lukus, teases first, down playing anything that has gone on.

"Yeah, we promise we won't burn the place down." Rory joins in. Rory was new to the bakery. He had been doing odd jobs around town and cleaning clothes with his mum for the last while before coming in here about a job. Rory was also one of Gale's younger brothers. I wasn't sure if he knew about it. Katniss had told me to give him the job, he'd be a hard worker and good for the bakery. She was ok with Gale's family just not him.

Gale. Well that brought up the problem again. I decided to push it back and gave a wave to my guys before heading out. I'd find him tonight and have a talk with him about his supposed plan. Right now I just wanted to go home and get away from the public. I felt drained emotionally and wanted to be in the comfort of something I knew well. Home.

I'm a little surprised to find Katniss' hunting gear at the door. How long had I been at the bakery? I see the clock in the hallway reads almost ten AM. It's too early for her to be home yet. I wonder what was up with her. I shut the door, leaving my shoes by it as I walk into our house. "Katniss? You home?" I call out but don't get an answer. I move through the house towards the kitchen. It's empty and as spotless as when I left it this morning. I see our back door cracked open a bit. We never use it or open it so it's odd. I walk towards it and open the door slowly, the sun is still rising but it's glare is already enough for me to squint.

One thing about us is that we don't use our backyard often. Our garden is out front and we're already outside enough in a day that the backyard is kind of useless most of the time. Yes it is nice because the fences surrounding it are high and private.

My eyes are adjusting when I see her back there dripping with water. She's in nothing more than a tanned tank top and black knee length shorts as she pours another bucket of water over her, smiling as she does so. Her hair is loose from it's usual braid and hangs down just to the middle of her back. Her hair was always one thing I loved the most about her. It's also soaking wet and looks like it'll probably be a tangled mess later. What was she doing? I'm a little confused as I watch her and decide I should let her know I'm here, watching her almost like a creep.

"Don't get me wrong, I love the sight I'm seeing but this seems a bit odd to be doing." She jumps as she sees me now standing at the edge of the deck that was built onto the house, for those who wanted to sit outside.

She gives me a soft smile and runs over to me, hugging her wet body to mine as our lips meet. She's in a very good mood today. I decide happy, wet Katniss was a good Katniss even if she was getting my clothes soaked now too. She pulls back and looks at me. A fire I haven't seen in her eyes in a long time is there, burning brightly through her silver eyes. It was breath taking.

"What are you doing home so early?" She asks me.

"I could ask you the same thing." I reply quietly, trying to keep the moment the way it is. But she pulls away and gives a small laugh.

"It was too hot out today to be out there. As much as I wanted to go and maybe swim for a bit at the meadow I decided I wanted to be home for most of the day. I saw some kids down at the old seam doing this outside when I passed by this morning. Oh, well I did actually go out for a bit. I got a couple rabbits and a wild turkey, gave the turkey to Hazelle and the rest to Greasy Sae. She always makes sure it goes to the right people. I saw the kids on my way back home. It looked fun and by that point I was sweating profusely. I just got back not long ago." I want to hug her to me again. I only imagined her being so carefree in my dreams. To see her like this in the flesh was beyond anything I ever expected. I wanted to hold her to me, laugh with her as I swung her around in my arms.

I must have been staring to long, not replying because she decides to break the silence. "So now that I've told you why I'm home, it's your turn." But I don't want to answer. I don't want to ruin this moment. I'm acting before I even think about it, pulling her to me and crushing my lips to hers. I feel her sigh and lean into me more as she gives in, deciding to drop the topic all together. But she's pulling back again before I can stop her. "You're really sweaty." She's pulling away, moving her body away from mine and I'm following her down, trying to grab her back to me.

She's bending down and I don't have time to stop her as she dumps a cold bucket of water over my head. Water seeps into my clothes and plasters my hair to my head. I sputter and spit out water as I wipe it out of my eyes. I freeze. Her laughs fill my ears and seeps into my bones and her body is flush to mine as my lips crush to hers before I grasp what's going on. The girl I fell in love with when we were children was standing in front of me right now and I didn't want the moment to pass, especially after the episode I had endured only an hour or so ago. I feel her responding as her arms wrap around my neck, willing to deepen our kiss. Our surroundings are but a care floating in the wind as my shirt is pulled over my head and hers follows quickly after. Our cooled down chests meet and the grip I had on my control is gone, floating away along with our cares into the warm breeze.

I pull her closer until I realize we are as close as possible, until I lift her up, her legs automatically wrapping around my waist as I hold her butt firmly with my hands. We break apart, panting, wanting and she moves her lips down my jaw line to the pulse in my neck, licking, sucking and nipping it before moving to my collar bone, nipping at it and then licking it to soothe it. I let out a moan as I feel her lips making work of my skin. I am hers to do whatever she feels like. I can feel her hips thrusting a little against mine, her want evident.

I slowly carry her and make my way into our house, not even bothering to make it far as I knock things off our kitchen table to the floor and lay her body down upon it. I tune out the clangs as pots, pans, and utensils fall to the ground. She keeps her legs wrapped around me, not wanting me to leave. I watch the way her breast move as she breaths heavily. I say nothing but strip off my pants and boxers, my erection springs free and her eyes don't look away as they take in the rigid member between my legs. I let her look a little longer before I move, hooking my thumbs in the waist line of her shorts and pulling at them, she unwraps her legs immediately from my body and lifts herself a bit so I can remove the garments. Her shorts and underwear are discarded in the general direction of my own pants but we don't bother to pay any attention to that right now.

Our eyes are locked and we are watching one another, daring the other to make the first move. I refuse to give in, wanting her to come to me, to beg me. I want her to come to me so that I can fist my hand in her chocolate locks as I enter her, make her mine completely with my body. I'm not sure where this is all coming from and I'm almost a bit afraid of how controlling I want to be right now but I can see her resolve slipping as she leans up, tangling her nimble fingers into my wet hair that rests against my neck, urging me to come to her, needing that human contact again and I know I have won. I let her lead me to her lips when they capture mine again, her bare legs encircling my hips again as she thrusts up so our hips meet. I let out throaty groan, my voice doesn't even sound like me right now.

But my thoughts are long gone when I feel the wetness between her legs as my member runs against her warm and very wet crevice. It raises an animistic instinct in me to claim her and before either of us knows what's going on I'm positioned the head of my member to her hole and thrusting forward in one swift, fluid motion, seating myself fully inside her. She breaks our kiss and almost screams out. I'm back to my sense instantly and looking down at her, fear that I've hurt her. Grey eyes are squeezed shut tightly, finger nails digging into the flesh of my back but the heels of her feet are holding me in place. I don't move or breath, for that matter, just wait for her to say some thing. She's panting hard, her chest rises up and down quickly in an effort to will away the pain I've caused her. I want to stop but her legs prohibit me from moving at all.

"Katniss?" My voice is barely a whisper as I speak her name. Silver eyes open and look into mine, hands move from my back to around my neck once more and she's leaning up to kiss me again.

"I'm fine, it was just... sudden." She breathes against my lips and I can feel her slowly trying to mold our bodies together, her hips thrusting erratically against mine, telling me to move, to do something. My hands trail down her body, brushes against her damp hair on her back, and then envelop her around her waist, pulling her up against me as I stand. I don't know what we're doing, where I was going but I wanted our bodies to be connected as much as possible. As much skin on skin contact as we could possibly manage. My need to claim her rising once more in the pit of my stomach. I wonder if this was a result of the episode earlier.

I slam into a wall, my back making contact with the hard surface and flip us so that she's against it. I'm pulling out quickly only to slam back into her and I feel her cry out again, not as pained sounding as the first time and I take that as a sign that this is ok. Her fingers tug at my hair as she slams her hips down to meet my rising ones. Our lips are every where, I take in a perk, dark nipple into my mouth as I thrust into her, causing her to throw her head back, banging it against the wall in the process. We don't stop though, not matter if we hurt ourselves or not. It's not like our usual love making, no this is much deeper and darker than love making. It's what they call, fucking. The word itself only turns me on more as I thinking about it and relish in what we are doing right now.

My hips are only becoming more erratic as they thrust hard into her willing body, causing noises that don't normally exist to her to come out of her rosy full lips. I want her to come, to know I've caused her great pleasure. I want to release myself into her, showing her the claim I have.

I'm thrusting harder, faster as she tries to keep up with pace. I know she's close and I decide to taste the skin of her neck once more, biting down hard at the crook of her neck. She screams out and I feel her walls around me clamp down violently, convulsing as she cries out more. Her body wracks with spasms as I try to thrust inside her again, but she is too tight around me and I only manage to sheath myself inside her fully as her body is unwilling to loosen around me. I feel her walls start to loosen and begin to thrust again out of instinct; not quite ready to cum inside her though I can feel myself closer.

I've almost surprised her at the movement as she moans out, I wasn't expecting her to be ready again so quickly but her body is already thrusting down onto me in slow, drawn out movements and if possible I'm even more turned on now than I was before. She's much slicker as I move in and out of her, the wetness only spurring me on more as I continue to thrust into her, her body responding more and more to every thrust with it's own. I hear the noises come from below us as I move my hips, I like it. My body is on fire as I listen to everything from the noises from our connected bodies, to the moans escaping my mouth and then the cries and pleas coming from hers. She's begging. The word is barely a thought and my hips jerk up hard, her begs become louder. I almost want to growl. She's begging me, her Peeta, to make her cum. I never expected to bring her to such a point. The fire in my lower body is burning more with every jerk of my hip, wanting to hear more from her wanting mouth.

Our lips touch and our breaths mingle with one another's as we move against each other, willing the other to have their release. She's thrusting down hard and I know she's close again, this time I am as well. Her moans are getting louder as I hold her stare with my own, wanting her to look at me until the very last moment. Her begging has gone down to a whisper as she stares in my eyes, I see my name pass her lips every time she speaks. In this moment I know she is mine, she is Katniss, she is the girl I have and always will love. The tightness in my lower area is too much and I'm yelling out my release, with her name on the tip of my tongue as I dispense myself into her, she is holding me flush against her and I feel her walls once more tightening around me as I pump myself into her.

My head is already falling to her shoulder as my pumps slow down. She's holding onto me tightly and I know I must move us before I collapse. I get as far as the living room before collapsing onto the couch, pulling her down with me. She unwinds her legs from around me and I feel my soften member slip out of her as she moves so that she can cuddle up against my chest. Our laboured breathing fills the quiet room as we bask in the after glow. In our state of peace I realize this is the first time our love making was so rough. I wouldn't question it for now, not wanting to break what was between us right now.

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><p>It was already almost ten at night when I told Katniss I had to head out to the bakery to get some thing for tomorrow morning. I didn't want to leave her at home by herself, but I also knew I had to do this. Hell, even I didn't want to do this. Talk to him that is.<p>

I made my way over to Hazelle's home, knowing he was staying there until their new house was finished. Walking up to the door, I gave it a light knock, crossing my arms over my chest as I waited.

The door opened and I was greeted by the guy I was looking for, though he stood taller than me I was not intimidated by him, no, because I had won long ago. That need for possession was rising in me once more and I had to do everything in my power to push it down. No, this conversation needed to be without yelling, snippy comments, or fists. It was a conversation between two grown men.

"We need to talk." I say to him. He gives me a once over before nodding, grabbing his boots from inside and walked out, shutting the door behind him. I lead him a few feet away from the house before I turn back around to face him. "You plan to corner Katniss tomorrow in the woods, correct?" I cut the chase, not bothering to play cat and mouse with this conversation.

He gives me a hard look before speaking up. "How did you find out?" I give a chuckle. He didn't realize I had friends every where in this district.

"Not the point. Answer the question. Yes or no?" I'm really in no mood for this. I want to be home with my Katniss and I wanted this conversation to be as quick as possible.

"And what if I was?" I sigh. Again, I didn't feel like playing cat and mouse right now.

"I'm saying don't then. Don't bother. You want to talk to her, you have to wait for her to come to terms then. Forcing her won't help her."

"You think that's how she works? Force has always been the reason she's accomplished things!" His voice is rising and I can feel myself getting angry at him.

"Maybe the old Katniss was like that, but she's not any more. She has to come to her own terms before she actually moves forward. Forcing her to talk to you while she's in her own space is only going to create problems. And if I find out you did go out to seek her tomorrow you'll be a dead man. I promise you that." These words... they're not me, but they are coming out of my mouth, using my voice and I'm a bit scared of them. I see his grey eyes widen, they're so much like hers. They really could have been cousins.

"Are you threatening me?"

"Is it working?" I ask back

"No."

"Then yes, I am. Stay away from her Gale, wait until she comes to you. Don't fuck up her progress for your own selfishness. If you've ever loved her, then do this for her. Stop thinking of your own damn feelings."

"I didn't think her progress included fucking outside in the back yard." His words are sharp and for just a moment he's caught me off guard as I think back to earlier today, while we were still outside. No one should have been able to see us, not with the fences, but maybe he had been walking by and heard. I want to smile a little at the fact that he either saw or heard us, knew where he stood in all of this.

"Well, we are married. You know we have sex Gale, she was pregnant after all. It's not our fault you happened to be in the neighbourhood this afternoon. That should tell you where you stand with her Gale. My warning stays the same and I won't hesitate to come after you."

I walk away, leaving him behind and hoping he understands the dark meaning behind my words. For an instance, I can imagine myself killing him if he did find Katniss. I know my mood is sour and I'm trying to shake it before I go back home.. I should stop at the bakery first, grab something from there so it looks like I actually did go there. I hate lying to Katniss but tonight was necessary for her and I silently apologize to her for going behind her back. But I can't afford to lose the progress we've had so far together because of him. I don't want to lose my Katniss again.

TBC

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><p>AN: I want to thank all the reviewers so far for this story, you guys are awesome! I want to thank one of my reviewers for giving me some ideas on where to go in this chapter, it helped, a lot! So thank you for that! Also, this chapter is much longer than I thought it would be... but I actually really like this chapter, it might be one of my favourites so far. Anyways, I'm still looking for an official beta for this story. If you or someone you know might be able to help please PM me. I'm looking for someone who is good with grammar, spelling, very familiar with the Hunger Games Trilogy, and may even be familiar with canadian/ british spelling as I'm canadian and usually spell things the canadian way. (like favour instead of Favor or favourite instead of favorite.) So again, please PM me! Anyways, please review! I've been getting a lot of favourites and story alerts for this story, but not as many reviews. If you like this story, please tell me! Reviews encourage me to write on!


	9. Ch 9: The Day is Over

**A/N: **Hi guys! So this was already being written shortly after I posted chapter 8, which I must say is still probably my favourite chapter so far. So we now have Katniss' POV again and I'm trying to go much more in depth to her thoughts on Peeta and the recent turn of events between their more intimate moments. To be honest I cannot believe I'm already on chapter 9! I went back to my very first chapter (which again, needs to be edited badly... hint hint for a beta) and I noticed I had said this story wasn't going to be super long, few chapters max... and for some reason it has evolved into this much longer story! I do apologize to anyone who feels like this is being dragged out. There is still much I have yet to touch upon in the fan fiction and I'm thinking those won't be for at least a few more chapters.

This chapter is going to probably span over a few days. No Gale yet. Also, I know he seemed like an ass in the last chapter, but then again he was talking to the guy who took the girl he loved (we know Katniss made the choice, not them... but some times guys can be complicated.) I'm also introducing weird Peeta to the story finally! Yes, I hope it works with this story. I didn't want to keep him being fluffy, sweet Peeta the entire time. No one is perfect.

Second note: I know my authour's note upset some people. Again, I apologize but it is nice to see so many comments! It's let me know that people really like this story. I want to thank every comment I've gotten so far as well as all the favourites for this story! You guys are absolutely amazing and I hope this chapter is up to standards! **This chapter has been lightly edited by myself. Still not perfect. **

**Last note: Chapter 10 is a WIP. Been busy with schooling right now, I'm currently trying to finish my high school diploma for college in the fall.. now that my health is much better than it has been for the last 4-5 years now. SO school work has been my main focus, writing becoming a second priority. I plan on trying to write on the weekends though.**

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><p><strong>A Lullaby to Soothe the Demons Within<strong>

_Chapter 9_

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><p><em>Katniss' POV<em>

_3 years and 3 months since returning to District 12_

"Mrs. Mellark, you must make sure you take this pill every day, around the same time and with food. I would suggest taking it with breakfast. So far we have given you what is called the morning after pill, but taking the pill regularly will ensure your chances of not getting pregnant. So we'll start you on this brand first and see how your body reacts. Everyone is different and reacts differently to the pill. If everything seems fine then I'll fill you a prescription with refills on it. I've already been informed that the capitol is taking care of any medication you or your husband needs." I want to sigh, I hate doctors. I always have; the feeling they give me when I'm in their office is always ominous and nothing good ever seems to come of it.

I had decided to set up an appointment a week ago after I realized how frequently my sexual escapades were happening with Peeta and finally called the doctor to see if there was another solution to my problem. I wasn't ready for children, especially after losing the one I had been rearing before. It had solidified my resolve that we just weren't ready yet for a child. I wasn't planning on telling Peeta about this for now, I just wanted things to stay the way they were. I was content with it, especially with Peeta being more than eager to be so intimate with me.

"Are there any questions you want to ask before you leave, Katniss?" I shake my head no and I take the prescription the doctor hands me to fill out front.

I left the office to be greeted by the morning sun. It was still early but Peeta was already at the bakery and usually by now I'd be deep in the woods, bow and arrow set as I trekked quickly through the brush stalking my target. But today was not a hunting day, no, today I was doing something special for Peeta. We had not celebrated our one year marriage anniversary three months ago due to reasons that were beyond our control. I know he wouldn't say anything about it; he would let it just pass by but I felt that was too cruel to him.

I planned a night of things he would like to do though a bit unsure about dinner. Last time I made him anything it had come out charcoal black. He had insisted on still eating it but I couldn't let him bare the taste when my own taste buds screamed in agony. I had thrown out the entire meal and watched as he made us some sandwiches that night for dinner. I felt horrible and at that time: useless.

I am going through the town, hoping to stop at the Hob today and grab a bowl of stew from Greasy Sae's and see if there was anything interesting I could buy for Peeta. I reach her stall and only see one other person there with their back facing me. I don't stop to think of who it is as I sit down the farthest seat from the person and ask for a bowl of stew. I eat silently and see the person on the other side of the stall stand up and turn. It's Thom. I haven't seen him in a while, not since he had helped finish building Peeta's bakery. I wasn't quite sure what projects he was currently working on now but knew some of those projects included building houses for the original people of district twelve. He sees me and walks over my way. I wonder what he wants to talk about.

"Morning, haven't seen you in a while." His voice is rough and deep.

"I've been busy. What about yourself?" I ask him politely. I'm not a huge fan of chit chat but he has helped us a lot in the last few years since the war ended. Chatting was the least I could do.

"We've been as busy as ever. We're getting some new workers sent in from the capitol soon and I've heard some of them are planning to stay here after they're done which means more houses to build. I've been helping your old friend's family with their house, the Hawthornes? Their eldest has been working for me." I want to walk away from this conversation now. I haven't seen or talked to Gale since my fall from the ladder. I didn't have the courage to face him or be reminded of what happened to Prim. The wounds left on my heart were still open and sensitive.

"Oh, yes. I heard Gale was back in twelve for good. I'm glad to hear he's been helping. I should get going though. It was nice seeing you again." I turn on my heels and start to walk away briskly. I don't want to go any further into this conversation.

"Hey, Katniss. I know you guys use to be old friends. I've heard what happened between you, him and your sister but are you going to let a friendship be ruined forever because of a 'what if' situation? I've seen so many people who have lost friends and family, you should treasure whatever you have and count it as a blessing. The guy misses you." I walk quicker. His words seeping into my brain like poison and it's all I can think of by the time I reach home, my gift for Peeta long forgotten. I forgot Thom knew us before the war. He knew Gale and I were not cousins; not by a long shot.

I don't want to think of Gale, thinking of him made me think of Prim and I didn't want to think of either of them right now. But my mind is saying otherwise, telling me that Prim was gone but she wouldn't want me to be living like this. Prim had loved Gale as if he was an older brother to her. Our families had been close. I wouldn't face Gale though until I finally came to terms with Prim's death first. I know once I fully accepted her death I'd be able to forgive Gale for the bombing, though I know it's unfair to him since he was only indirectly involved with it. It had been his and Beetee's invention but he never intended it to be used to kill her or those children that had stood outside Snow's mansion so many years ago. But knowing it had most likely been his invention that killed my sister made my feelings towards him less than desirable.

Would I ever be able to talk to him? It was a question I had mulled over a few times in the past and never came up with a definite answer to it. I don't want to think about it any more. I didn't want to spoil my surprise for Peeta tonight.

I shake off my ill feelings from the conversation from earlier and decide to first go shower. I make it upstairs to our room and strip my clothing, letting it fall to the ground soundlessly and make my way to the doorway that leads to our bathroom.

It's a medium sized room with grey tiled flooring and white tiles on the walls. There's a rectangular stall for the shower that stays in the farthest right corner of the room and then a bath tub against the left wall. A small sink sits above a cupboard where we store any extra toiletries and the toilet beside it. We usually keep extra towels underneath the sink and hang our current ones on the small metal rack beside the shower stall. The bathroom is simple though still much more extravagant than what we had in our shack I once grew up in.

I move to the shower, opening the glass door and turn the knobs until a hot spray falls down steadily. I step inside and shut the door behind me, letting the hot water slink down my body. All my tension slowly washing away with every stream that runs down my body. I finally have a moment to just think about the days that have gone by with Peeta by my side.

Our love making encounters had become more frequent and more than once I had found myself sore afterwards from the sheer roughness when our bodies were connected. I had become more confident with my body, not ashamed of my scars that adorned my body. I realized there was no point in hiding them because that didn't make them go away. Peeta made me feel beautiful regardless. Lately though, when our bodies were joined I felt so.. helpless. I found myself doing things I never in a million years would have thought I'd do. He brought me to such a high point of pleasure that I was left sobbing and begging him to give me a release, some times he'd even encourage me to beg a little. He had started doing things to me that I was still unsure about. He'd tease me, taunt my body with his fingers and lips, leaving me breathless with want. His fingers made my body burn where they touched and it drove me insane every time. Some times, and this was hard to admit, he'd pull my hair and I would feel the wetness between my legs grow. It excited a part of me.

One night he had come on to me so quickly I had no time to do anything before he had me pinned to our bed, already thrusting hard into my body and kept repeating over and over that I was his. He had even flipped my body over at that point, entering me from behind, pounding into me relentlessly. My vision had blurred and I think I had blacked out when I had cum. I had come to with him cradling my body to his and I could hear his soft murmurs as he apologized and told me over again how much he loved me. As much as I really did enjoy this side, his dominate side, I had to wonder what had changed.

He was only like this when we made love, any other time we were together he was just sweet, docile Peeta who would whisper sweet nothings to me, compliment me, and do anything I wanted to do again. Were all men like this? I could still feel the way his fingers had gripped my hips last night. If I ever had a doubt before that he was strong, I didn't any more.

I shake off the thoughts once more as I realize the water is beginning to cool in the shower and shampoo and rinse my hair quickly. I scrub my body down with the goats milk soap and wash it off before turning the taps off and step out of the shower. I grab a soft pale green towel off the metal rack next to the stall and wrap myself in it and then grab a second towel to wrap my hair in. I hate when the water drips down my back when my hair is still wet.

I pad quickly back to our room and sit on the bed, working first on trying to towel dry my hair as best as I can. It's a soothing thing I do some times when I feel stressed or upset about something. I wonder if I should take Peeta to my meadow today or should I wait until he is off next? It's already mid morning now, in an hour it will be noon. It was already getting too late to take him today. It was already the middle of the week, in four days he'd be off. I could take him then, surprise him once more.

Should I wear something just for him? I know he likes when I wear dresses but they're so uncomfortable. Maybe if I wore one of my mother's old dresses I had managed to save that would be ok. None of them showed too much skin, the most was usually my legs where the hem line only reached above my knees. The weather was warm enough though for it.

I finish drying my hair and towel down the rest of my body before I discard them to the corner of the room where the rest of my clothes lay. I first grab my under garments. I don't own anything fancy, plain white underwear to match my plain white bras. I never understood the point of fancy undergarments in the capitol. Effie had tried to convince me once to wear some frilly number that was a matching set; I had turned her down instantly. Refusing to ever have that on my body. I was a plain girl, with mostly plain taste and I liked being that way. Peeta was the exception to all my plainness. He was my diamond in the rough that was my world.

I look down my body to my feet and wonder if I should have shaved my legs. The hair was growing once more though I don't think Peeta really cared about that much. It was how I was. After the torture my legs and the rest of my body endured during my remake time in the capitol I really felt no need to worry about such trivial things. Hair was a natural thing, it was ok if it was on our heads so why wasn't it ok to be every where else it grew? I decide I'm not going to shave. Peeta liked me the way I was and I wasn't going to change myself because I thought it would make me more appealing. It wasn't bothering him yet.

I go to our closet and open it up to look through the garments inside. I slide sweaters and pants that are hanging in there to get to the dresses I had pushes off to the side. There's only a handful in there, four of the six dresses I own are my mother's old dresses from when she was young. I ignore the two that are my own. Effie had sent them as gifts years ago, they even still had the tags on them. I touch the fabric of the first dress of my mother's, feeling the light cotton material between my fingers. It's white with a simple lilac silk wrap around the waist that was meant to be tied at the back with a bow. The collar rounded at the top, just dipping a little below the neck to expose just a little bit of skin. The sleeves are short; they're those three fourth's sleeves where they sit around below your arm pits. I decide I will wear this one.

If there had been a nice sunset orange dress in there I would have worn that instead, regardless of how much skin is showed because Peeta would appreciate it. I wonder if I should find something like that one day for him.

I pull the dress on, tugging it down and tie the silk wrap around my waist, tying the bow at the back. It allows the dress to hug my body a little more. It created the illusion that I was much more hippy than I was, giving my straight as a board frame more figure. I pull a bit more, the dress lays almost two inches above my knees. I decide not to worry about shoes, I wasn't planning to leave the house for the rest of the day.

I go back into the bathroom and brush out my hair, debating if I should put it up or leave it down. My hair has only grown more and it's getting much closer to reaching my hips, I'll have to start keeping it up if I don't want it getting caught on things. For today though I decide to leave it down. He likes when he can run his fingers through the strands. My body shudders at the thought of his large fingers catching the strands between them and pulling them. I bite my lip at the thought and have to tell my body to stop. I still had things to do.

It's already almost one in the afternoon and I'm bit surprised at how fast time is going today. I still have a turkey in our ice box that I had caught the day before yesterday. I sigh again, the next thing I needed to do was call my mother. I really didn't know how to cook a turkey.

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><p>Dinner had burned that night. Peeta had laughed but insisted on eating as much of it as he could. He seemed fine and his eyes alight when he had gotten him to see my attire for that evening. By that time I had been trying to figure out what I was going to do with this burned mess.<p>

We had barely finished what meal we could salvage before he had pulled me to him, kissing my body, running his hands up my thighs, and leading me to the stairs. I don't think we actually made it all the way up them before he had claimed my body. Planted himself in me, making me all his.

I couldn't tell you how we managed to get to bed, completely naked, and under the sheets. It had been more intense, more longing and more primal. I had been completely taken away. Peeta claimed my very being.

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><p><em>2 days later<em>

I had the photo book on my lap, opened to her page. Long golden hair tied back into two braids and ocean sky blue eyes. Everything I hoped my little girl would look like one day when we willed her into being. She would have made a great aunt, she'd always be here to watch over them, teach them things that I never knew. I touch a finger tip over the dried primrose I saved. She once told me that her favourite flower was a katniss flower, because it always reminded her of me and made her feel safe knowing she was protected. She'd always been my little duck. I give a small smile to her page. One day I would fully move on, this was already an improvement. I wasn't a ball of crying mass right now. Prim was becoming a much treasured and happy memory to me, I didn't want to honour her memory by sobbing selfishly over my loss. She didn't deserve that.

I peak over as I hear the door knob at the front twist. Peeta must be home! I'm happy he's back, though I am not crying, Prim's memory was still sore for me. I shut the book and place it back over the table to run to the door. I wrap my arms around his neck before he has the front door shut. He smiles softly down at me as I place a kiss to his warm lips. He wraps his arms around me and lifts me a little off the floor, I hang on tighter as I see him moving us to the kitchen before he places my feet back on the cool ground. He gives me a chaste kiss before speaking.

"Nice to see you too." I hear the laughter in his voice and I'm pleased.

"I've been home for a few hours now, it's lonely without you. Plus I got us some good money today!" I'm excited to tell him about my kill today while I had been out in the forest hunting. It was definitely one of my best kills yet.

"Oh? And how did you manage that." I wiggle out of his grasp and look at him, smile plastered to my face.

"A black bear." His eyes widen instantly.

"A b-black bear?" I nod in confirmation. "Ho- how did you take it down?"

"I was up in a pretty tall tree for part of the morning, just shooting things whenever they came into view when I saw the bear come by, looking at some of the dead meat there. I had the perfect vantage point from where I was, only too me two arrows to! Got the first one right through it's eye and the second one to it's chest." I almost want him to praise me like you would a puppy and I stop talking when I realize I'm doing it.

He closes the distance between us again, wrapping me in his embrace. His head leans on my shoulder, breathing in my scent. I forget about my mental troubles from seconds before and hug him back tightly.

"You have to be careful out there, Katniss. Bears are dangerous. You're ok right?"

I shake my head, I'm fine. It didn't have a chance to get me before it died.

"I'm ok Peeta. I wouldn't do something if I didn't know I at least had the advantage point. Hunting for so long, you learn when you can and cannot do something." He's still upset though. "Look! I made a small fortune off it's meat, mind you I had to pay a couple guys from town to help me haul it back. Peeta, we can finally go visit my mother together." And it's true, I made enough money today to buy us a trip to district four to see her. I feel his arms loosen around me and pull back so our eyes could meet.

"I'm sorry, this clearly is a good moment. I'm sorry." I watch him squeeze his eyes shut briefly and open them back up to smile at me. "So you want to go visit your mum?" He always said that, referring to her as my 'mum' not my 'mother' or 'mom'. It was a cute little habit he had that I kind of adored. I smile back slightly to him.

"I want to go at the end of the month." A time where Peeta could not be intimate with me because that week I'd have my period. I didn't enjoy making love with him when I had it. I found it slightly grotesque and uncomfortable. With how often we were at each other, I didn't want to chance it happening at my mother's place. That was just too embarrassing to even fathom.

"That sounds perfect. Have you told her yet of our plans?" I shake my head no. I wasn't planning to call her until later this week. Maybe on the weekend when I knew she'd be home for sure. I even thought of not telling her altogether and just surprising her when I showed up on her front door but she needed some forewarning so she could take time off work. "Well it'll be nice to get away. Do you want to visit Annie while we're there." She and Sebastian would probably appreciate the visit, he was already going to be four.

"Yeah. We'll do that." I pull him forward, kissing him gently. I feel his lips moves against mine, pulling me tighter to him. I feel him deepening the kiss and I submit peacefully to him. Letting him control my body to do as he likes.

I feel his touch change. His fingers that hold onto my hips are tightening too much, pinching the skin beneath my shirt and his kisses are bruising. Something isn't right about this, it's beyond anything we have ever done. I know immediately this isn't Peeta, not _my_ Peeta. I try to pull away but his grip is too powerful, holding me in place and he continues to bite my flesh, leaving bruises in his wake.

"P-Peeta, what are you doing?" I know it's not him, but when he looks up with dark, cold blue eyes it only confirms what I already knew. He's having an episode and I don't understand what brought it about. I know I should run but I can't. I move my hand up to cup his face with my left hand, balling my right into a fist. It was so sudden.

"Peeta, this isn't you. Come back to me." I move to kiss his lips but his hand is fast as it strikes me. My head whips to the side and I'm shocked. I should run, the little voice is telling me. I feel the flesh of my cheek sting from the impact. "Peeta, this isn't you." I repeat is as I turn to look at him again.

"Come back to me." I mumble out but he shoves me back. My back connects painfully with the kitchen counter.

"It's all your fault." He screams at me and I take that moment, where his arms are not trapping me to escape. I get out the back door and run to the gate. I get out of the yard by the time I hear his feet connecting with the back porch. I don't think as I run into the town, going to the one place I use to always feel safe at. Gales.

_**TBC**_

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><p><strong>AN:** Longish chapter. Some smuttiness in it and.. a twist to what I thought I would want to happen at the end of this chapter. So please review! This story still has a lot of life to live before it's done. Reviews motivate me and help keep the contents in my pot stirring. Next chapter will probably be a much darker Peeta POV and will be taking up right after the events of this chapter. So year 3 will be quite eventful. I may be skipping year 4 or mention it but after I am done this year, I will be moving on to year 5 most likely.


	10. Ch 10: Sweet and Low

A/N: Hey there! Sorry for the slow update, I've been busy. I'm currently working on my grade 12 diploma as I'm looking to try and apply for college for the start of fall. Either way, updates may only be happening on the weekend as the week days are becoming more focused on school work. (It feels weird being a high school student again, I've been out of high school for over 5 years now) Anyways, also updates will be a bit slower since I'm collabing with another authour on the site, Vourdalak. The story is called Forever Waiting Forever Scared, currently I am working on the Peeta POVs of that story. So I have to balance between this story and that one. I feel bad making her wait as it is for chapters.

On another note, I just did light editing of the last chapter since I noticed some really horrible mistakes in there, I apologize for them... the last half of that chapter the medication I took kicked in and I was not in my right mind. Migraines are bitches to get and add tendentious to the mix and you have me. So yes it's hopefully a bit better than before. I added a couple things as well.

Last note: THANK YOU FOR ALL THE AMAZING REVIEWS! You guys are awesome. Please keep reviewing when you read, it's really encouraging and greatly appreciated. Chapter is currently unedited just so you know.

So question of the week, I know many have been talking about it but with the director change for Catching Fire and never knowing who Gary Ross envisioned as Finnick, who do you think should play Finnick and Johanna? I'm especially excited for those two so this week I want to know who you think should be cast for their characters. Rumor has it Justin Timberlake is being considered but it's only a rumor. I'm kind of rooting for Chann Tantem or Ryan Gossling for Finnick and Mila Kunis or Meghan Fox for Johanna.

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><p><strong>A Lullaby to Soothe the Demons Within<strong>

_**Chapter 10**_

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><p><em>3 Years 3 Months Since returning to District 12<em>

_Peeta's POV_

_The kitchen is destroyed. Broken glass litters the floor along with food, pots, pans, anything and everything my hands touched. Glass is digging into my hands and feet as I sit on the floor. I don't care, because the pain is the only thing real to me right now. _

I need to start from the moment of our encounter in the kitchen weeks ago, after my last episode while I was at work. To describe what had transpired between us that day and since is complicated. It wasn't my last episode from then to this point. No they've been plaguing me regularly since I saw Gale, see him every where. He comes in with Thom in the morning for breakfast and he always wears the same look, like he knows something I don't. It annoys me every time and I think about just punching that look off his face. Though I cannot blame him for Prim's death I don't let him off either. Though he hadn't done it himself it very well could have been his invention that caused her death and that I cannot forgive. But we've always been opposites. I like to believe I'm much more a pacifist than he is. He believes in violence, that the war and deaths were necessary to be where we are now. I believe there could have been other methods to get us to this point; as we both know though what's done is done.

I see him too much for my own good these days though and every time he leaves I'm running head long into another fit of an episode. My guys are getting worried and I know something is wrong. Every episode shows me images of Gale and Katniss together, Gale with that knowing look on his face every time and I want to know what he thinks he knows that I don't.

The worst part of all this though is what I do to her when I get home each night. I nearly black out when it happens, when we're in the throws of passion and I don't feel like myself as I growl out her name in the dark, tell her to beg me, pull her hair harshly. It's not me and once we're finished I come back feeling a little worst for wear than the last time. I can't control whatever this is, my body acts on it's own before I can fully grasp what I'm doing. She hasn't complained and I wonder how much she is enjoying this new side to our relationship.

One night I had come home to find her in the shower. I had quietly joined her while her back was turned, joining her in the small stall. A kiss to her shoulder lead to a full kiss of lips and then tongues clashing, trying to fight for dominance. That's when my body started reacting of it's own accord. One of my hands had snaked into her hair, grasping it between my fair skin, dark chocolate locks contrasting against my pale skin yanking her head back away from my lips as I trailed my own lips down her exposed neck, nipping here, biting there. She whimpered in my grasp and it had only spurred me on more. I had ravished her body with my lips and teeth, teasing her most sensitive spots with my tongue until she was crying out for more. I had made her beg me and when I looked up to her from my kneeling spot on the ground between her legs I had only gotten harder. The water that cascaded down her body as her cheeks and chest flushed was too much for me. I had brought her to the brink of her own orgasm before stopping cruelly.

She whined and I told her to beg me for release. She had been stubborn that night, not wanting to give in to this game I had made for us any more than she had already, a game that was quite dangerous to be playing. I had stood back up and for a moment, I almost slapped her hard across the face at disobeying me. That's what snapped me out of this trance I was in and in a fluid movement I was out of the stall, shaking as I dripped water all over the tiled floor while I searched for a towel to wrap around me before she got out. As I found a towel and covered myself the water from the shower turned off and I turned around to see Katniss step out of the stall, beads of water trailed down her body and I had to look away quickly, my cock was still painfully hard and I was not willing to give in right now. I turned around and left for our room, already changing by the time she joined me. I said nothing and she decided not to push it.

I was terrified that night of the thought that had crossed my mind. It was not my own and I refused to think I'd ever succumb so low. This game seemed to keep going though despite my best intentions. Her effect on me was greater than the will power I possessed and I couldn't stop myself from possessing her body every time. I noticed more than once in the morning the way she limped a little to the bathroom when she got up, the light bruises that marked the ivory of her skin on her hips, you could almost see the finger prints left by me on them. Bite marks adorned her neck and collar bones. I couldn't understand what was going on in my head.

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><p>That day, before I had come home only to chase Katniss out of the house with my most recent episode, Gale had come in with Thom again for breakfast except he didn't leave when Thom did. I couldn't help but narrow my eyes at him and wonder what his intentions were now. I said nothing to him as I carried on filling display cases with the baked goods we had just finished making. He finally spoke and I froze for an instant.<p>

"I've been keeping an eye on her you know." His voice is strong and I know he thinks he's going to try and intimidate me again. It hadn't worked last time, I don't get what he thinks he's going to do this time.

He continues on before I can get a word in though. "I've seen the... marks on her neck. What have you been doing to her?" As if he has a right to even ask.

"What her and I do in the privacy of our home is none of your business."

"It is when she looks worried constantly. I want to see her Peeta."

"So wait until she seeks you out. I am not going to force her to do something that she's not ready to do. Stop making me repeat myself."

"Seems like you have no problem forcing her to do other things for you." I stop, setting the tray of muffins I had been putting in the front display case by the counter on it with a slam. In as swift of a movement as my fake leg allows me I move around the counter to stand in front of him, my hand fisted in the front of his shirt. I don't know why I'm letting him get to me so easily. He is only saying these things because I won't force Katniss to go see him. He's trying to get under my skin and for some reason it's working, quite well in fact.

"I'm not like you. I am not forcing her to do anything she doesn't want to do. What the fuck do you think you know?"

"You don't deserve her, not after everything you've done to her." It's ironic that he's the one saying this to me.

"And you think you do?" I spit back at him. I'm surprised none of the guys in the back have come up front with the rising voices coming from the two of us.

"I didn't say that either." He shoves me away from him and steps back to put some distance between us. "How can you stay with her though, I've heard you're still unstable, that you still have episodes. You're going to end up hurting her one day-"

"I would never hurt her. I would die first before I ever hurt her. You know nothing of our situation Gale. Don't take your piss poor attitude about her not seeing you out on me and our relationship, which you know nothing about." My fists are balled up on either side of me, I can feel them shaking as I speak to the taller man in front of me. I had to grit my teeth in effort to keep the demons inside me at bay. "If you have nothing else to discuss with me, then leave. Remember what I said last time to you, keep away until she comes to do. Don't. Fucking. Force. Her." I turn around and leave the front of the store instantly, I cannot stay down here any longer without getting physically violent with him, the episode that's seeping it's way in is strong and I can feel the anger boil over.

I had barely made it upstairs before I had punched a hole through the wall of the room. My episode that day had lasted a good three hours before I had come to. I left work that night less than confident in myself and my current situation with Katniss.

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><p>She had greeted me when I entered through the door, she seemed to be in a pretty good mood. I had lead her to the kitchen, I could tell she was itching to tell me something. A bear. She had taken down a black bear. I had rained on her parade after that and then felt bad. I had even apologized and then she had opened up about wanting to go see her mum with the money she had made today. I had agreed that would be good and she had suggested we go at the end of the month. I knew why she wanted to go at the end of the month. She'd be on her period, there would be no way anything would happen why we were visiting. I wonder if she knew I kept tabs on things like that. It was hard not to notice when she was on it anyways since she blatantly told me she didn't want to make love, that it was uncomfortable for her. I just felt a little dejected that she didn't believe we had enough control over our hormones to hold off for a week for her mom's sake. I said nothing though.<p>

We had also decided we'd visit Annie and her little boy while we were there and then Katniss was in my embrace, kissing me igniting the fire inside the pit of my stomach. My hands had dropped to her hips, grinding her against my body. That's when it had happened, that moment when would bodies touched, my grip tight on her as our lips battled... that's when I felt it coming and I couldn't do anything before it happened; it had taken over me before I had any time to contain it.

My grip had become bruising on her hips, my kisses harsher and she noticed the change immediately. She had pulled away, looking into my eyes and all I saw when I looked at her was the killer of my family. The reason everyone died. That filthy mutt that caused all the war and deaths of so many people, including my unsuspecting family.

"P-Peeta, what are you doing?" I felt the hate begin to boil in the pit of my stomach. I see her hand coming towards my face. What the fuck did she think she was doing? My grip only tightened on her small hips, I could feel the bones beneath my fingers and I thought that maybe if I squeezed hard enough I could break them.

"Peeta, this isn't you. Come back to me." That thing is moving to kiss me... that filthy mouth of hers, I don't want it touching me. I let one hand go of her hip and smack her across her face. I see her head whip back and I am still not satisfied. I want to hurt her, kill her maybe.

"Come back to me." She feebly mumbles before I shove her away from me, back to the counter. I see her back impact with the it painfully and I'm ready to go do more. I want to see her bleed, plead for mercy as I bruise her body. In some bizarre way I feel myself become aroused as I see her look at me with pleading eyes to stop.

"It's all your fault." I finally say, she knows then she has to get away. I can't stop her as she escapes out the back door in the kitchen and runs. I'm too slow, as I reach the back porch she's already out the gate of the fence and running. I don't bother chasing it because something in the back of my mind is trying to get through my shiny, power-hungry induced mind. A voice that's telling me to stop. It's frustrating me.

I go back inside more angry now that I let her get away. I begin to smash anything that my hands land on, flower vases, plates, cups, bowls. I destroy the kitchen in my rage and finally I am becoming me again.

I fall to the floor, legs spread out in front of me as I let my hands support my weight behind me, glass cutting into my flesh. The pain is bringing me back to reality and I feel a sob escape me as I realize what just happened. I can almost feel the skin of her cheek burn on my palm when I hit her. The look of fear in her eyes as the knowledge of the situation finally hit her. I hit her. I hit Katniss. I laid my hand on her like that. Gale's words ring in my eyes once more.

" _You're going to end up hurting her one day." _He had only said that this morning and already I had made that nightmare a reality. I feel the tears fall down my cheeks as confusion sets in. Why was this happening again? The doctors said I'd only get better, yet here I was only getting worst. If this kept up I wouldn't be able to stay with her, I'd have to leave. Probably go back to the capitol to go back for treatment, something I didn't think I'd ever have to do again. I don't know how long I stay like this, on the floor before I get up. I leave the mess behind, only bothering to clean my hands since the glass has left tiny cuts all along my palms.

I make my way to the sitting room where our phone is and decide to call Haymitch, she's probably there waiting it out until I call. She's done that a few times.

"Hello?" His voice slurs as he answers, drunk as usual.

"Is Katniss there?"

"Why would she be here? Shouldn't she be over there while you two fuck like bunnies?" I ignore him as I take in that Katniss isn't there. Where would she have gone then?

"If you see her call me please."

"Hey, you have another episode kid?" He knows why I'd be looking for her right now. Concern is evident in his voice now. He's pretty good at sobering up enough when the situation called for it.

"Yeah, one of the worst ones yet. Haymitch-" I stop, tears are starting to fall again when I try to go on. "They're getting worst Haymitch. I-I... I hit her." He's silent on the other side for a few minutes, I hear him sigh into the phone.

"Well, I have two guesses where she went then. I'm coming over. Give her some time she'll be back. She always comes back, you know that. I'll wait with you." Times like this Haymitch steps up and takes on the adult figure that we still need in our lives. I don't say anything, but he's become a father figure for me since losing my own father in the bombings. He hangs up as I do and I wait for him to stumble his way over. Not even five minutes later and he's stepping inside my place. I see the worry etched onto his face as he sees the mess in the kitchen. I still hadn't cleaned it.

"Well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger kid. Don't worry, sweetheart will be back." He takes a swig of the liquor he brought with him as he sits on the couch in the living room, completely ignoring the kitchen as well. He doesn't say where he thinks she went though. I don't need him to though, I know where she must have went to and I can't even be angry about it. Gale would give her the protection and comfort she was seeking right now.

**TBC.**.

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><p><strong>AN:** So not too long, but I am trying to slowly work up this point in the story. Gale's not going to be a bad guy in this, because I like Gale, not as much as Peeta but I still like him. I am hoping to give him a more mature look in this story as it progresses because I don't think he'd force Katniss to be with him or anything, the guy ran away to Two for god sakes because he couldn't even face her... so yes. Next chapter will probably be a bit angsty and Gale will probably try to make a move. So either way, keep an eye out for the next chapter! Thank you again for all the love for this story! You guys are amazing.


	11. Ch 11: Tell me Why

**A/N:** Alrighty, next chapter! I'm going to keep this author's note shorter than the other ones I've had.

I want to clarify something since a few reviews have been asking if this is going to change into a Gale-Katniss story. It's not. I wouldn't have put Peeta and Katniss as the pairing for this story if that was the case and then this would also be considered as an AU but since I'm going with Mockingjay, I'm keeping it as a KatnissxPeeta story. I love Peeta, I think he's probably one of my most favourite fictional characters. Drama. I had to add some of that into the mix because really, what's a story without drama? Right? If you want me to reply to your questions in the review you leave, please leave a SIGNED review.

Also thank you to all my awesome reviewers! I'm writing this and getting this out quicker because of all the reviews I've gotten in just a day! So this is for you guys and I hope you enjoy it! YAY DRAMA!

This chapter is **UNEDITED. Still trying to find a beta. If you know anyone, please refer them!**

Alright, so casting for Catching Fire. Who'd you like to see play Beetee, Wiress, Annie and Mags? Leave your ideal casts in a review!

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><p><strong>A Lullaby to Soothe the Demons Within<strong>

_**Chapter 11**_

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><p><em>3 Years 3 Months since Returning to District 12<em>

_Katniss' POV_

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><p><em><strong>1 day later... <strong>_

My limbs are sore, my head is pounding and I can still feel the sting on my cheek from the palm that had connected with it last night. I have to slowly rise from the couch I'm on, stretching my cramped muscles as I move. I hear my bones crack as I finally get into a sitting position on the soft cushions. I wonder if I'm the only one awake right now.

I suppose I should back up a bit to the night before and explain how I ended up in this small house that wasn't my own.

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><p>After I had run out the back gate of our house I had run. Only one place had come to mind as my bare feet carried me off in the night. I made my way as quick as possible, not looking back, to Gale's. More specifically I wanted to see Hazelle, the only parent figure I had in District Twelve now. For whatever reason Gale hadn't really crossed my mind, I didn't even think about whether I'd see him or not as I went there. I just knew for the time being I had to get away from Peeta and let him sort himself out. I doubt he'd be able to face me when he came to and I think the guilt would just eat him up if he saw the fear in my eyes, which I know were there last night.<p>

I finally saw their house in my view and used whatever energy I had left to make my way there. I went up the three steps to reach their door and knocked. I waited and waited until finally the door opened. I was greeted by Rory. I let out a sigh mentally that Gale hadn't answered.

"Kat? What are you doing here? It's late." He sounded so much like Gale it was almost uncanny. I shook my head at him, I could feel the tears forming behind my eyes but I refused to give in.

"I- well, Peeta had another episode. I just- well I don't really know why I am here." I saw the knowing look flash through his eyes and all of a sudden it made sense. Peeta was suffering through them regularly during the day, when I wasn't around.

"Come on in." I was glad he didn't say anything else.

Posy was already asleep along with Vick. Hazelle was at the kitchen table, sewing something that I couldn't see. Gale was no where to be seen. Rory lead me into the warm room and told me to sit on the couch. Hazelle finally looked over to me and immediately set down the needle and thread along with the cloth, walking over to me and sitting next to me, touching the tender flesh on my cheek with her withered fingers gently.

"Oh honey, are you ok?" This is why I came here. For her caring words and warm embrace, again the thing I was missing about my own mother at the moment. Seeing her a while back had only made me realize how much I missed her. I felt a warm, salty tear fall then. Anything I kept in finally poured out at that touch. Tears began to flow freely as warm, motherly arms wrapped around me, pulling me in for a tight embrace.

I hadn't noticed Rory come back with a warm cup of tea as I cried freely into Hazelle's chest. Her hands trailed soothing circles along my back, whispering comforting words to me as she let me have my moment. I heard her ask Rory what was wrong, could feel the rumble of her voice in her chest.

"Peeta's been having some problems with flashbacks lately." His words only confirmed what I saw in his eyes and I wanted to cry harder. Peeta hadn't even said anything to me and I hadn't bothered to ask. She didn't ask any more than that as I held me close while I cried. I only remember falling asleep in her embrace that night before I awoke this morning on the soft couch.

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><p>I finally decided to get up and stretch out my tense muscles.<p>

"Morning honey, would you like some tea?" I am jump at the soft voice that comes from the kitchen. I hadn't seen Hazelle in there and feel a little bad for jumping. I slowly walk over to the table that stands in the kitchen with six chairs around it. I pulled one out and sat down quietly.

"Yes, tea would be nice." I feel the burn in my eyes from crying last night, I wonder how red they were. I decide I should ask her about him. I didn't feel like any more surprises right now. "Is Gale here?" She's already turning around with two steaming cups of the warm tea and setting one in front of me while she sits across from me, setting her cup down in front of her..

"He already left this morning. You were already asleep when he got in last night." I blow on the hot liquid and nod at her, taking a sip of the soothing tea. "He was surprised to see you here. I hear you two still haven't really spoken?" I knew eventually this would come about. No matter how much I talked to her and her children, besides Gale, eventually she would bring him up because he was still her child and at one point in our lives we had been very close.

I set the mug down before I speak, trying to find the words to describe the situation without upsetting her. "It's been.. complicated."

"He misses you, you know?" Between last night and this conversation this morning I don't know how much more I can handle.

"I know. So much has happened though. Seeing him in such a grim reminded of-"

"Of her?"

I nod at her, silently thankful she doesn't actually say Prim's name out loud.

"Do you know for sure he was the cause of it? I'm not trying to defend him hun, but from what I've been told that situation was hard to say who's fault it was." I realize that I don't face him because of the cause of Prim's death but because seeing him was a reminder that she was gone. Seeing him only made me see Prim, when she'd go on his shoulders while we wondered around the Hob, tell her stories, teach her things about plants that I didn't know about. He took care of her and he was so much better with kids, with have three younger siblings and all.

"It's not that. Seeing him only... makes her death so official." I feel her hand grasp mine and give it a squeeze. It's the first time I'm opening up to someone about Prim who isn't Peeta.

"You need to make peace with it. You'll never move on if you can't honour her death properly. Have you talked to your mother?" I nod, taking in her words at first and replaying them in my head, letting my mind wrap around the meaning to them.

We turn in unison as the front door opens and Gale is standing there, staring at the two of us at the kitchen table. I figured he'd be working with Thom right now if he was gone. He says nothing as he steps into the house and over to the kitchen, grabbing a mug and pouring the dark liquid that's coffee into it before sitting down at the table with us. His eyes say nothing and I can tell he's got his own mask in place.

"Where did you head out to this morning?" Hazelle breaks the awkward silence between us then and I'm thankful. I take my own mug back between my hands and begin to sip the cooled down tea now, keeping my eyes down so I don't have to meet his own gaze.

"I tried to go talk to Peeta this morning, but he wasn't at work, didn't answer his door either." I dart my eyes up to meet his own smouldering grey ones, anger quickly rising in me at his initiative to interfere with my life once more.

"Why were you even seeking him out Gale?" I can hear the venom in my voice as I speak his name. His mother says nothing as we stare each other down. I think she's already left the table to leave us to hash this out ourselves.

"Have you seen the bruise he left on your face?" He spits back at me, the anger dripping in his own deep voice.

"He had an episode. It wasn't him."

"Oh yeah, and what about the bruises on your body." I open my mouth to retort but shut it quietly, feeling self conscious all of sudden at the bite marks left by Peeta's mouth on my body. I had enjoyed those, quite a bit. "Exactly! What he's doing to you isn't-"

"Those... those marks are none of your business Gale! And my cheek is fine, shit happens. I just didn't get out quick enough before his episode got the best of him. It's not his fault he's like that, he's a lot better now than he use to be-"

"That's not a life to live Katniss! He's dangerous-"

"What do you know about dangerous? You know nothing about our lives here! You think coming back after years of being gone and then staying for a few months means you know everything? These marks," I stand up and pull the collar down on my shirt to expose the love bites that adorn my tender flesh of my neck. "I like those. Things change-"

"What he did to you last night wasn't right." We're done cutting each other's sentence off now and I stop to gather my breath once more, I'm fuming now and I can tell he's not ready to back down yet. I see him standing up as well now and moving towards me. I refuse to move and hold my ground and he stands before me. "Since when do you condone violence like this?" I feel his hand touching my cheek and the expression on his face has changed. I don't bother to push it away, he'd just move it back to this position again as soon as I did.

"Things have changed Gale, I'm not the same person that you use to know in the woods. That little girl is long since gone. Just like you're not the same boy I met in the forest, just like Peeta isn't he same boy I met when we were reaped. We're all different and not everything is the best of changes. But I rather stay by his side a million times and be hit then ever leave him." And I feel it then, the tension I had held where Gale was concerned be released. I almost felt Prim touch me as a wave of peace washed over me. I was tired of being angry. I just wanted to go home to Peeta, to see if he was ok. Knowing he'd be at home, alone made my heart hurt a little more.

"Not everything has changed." I hear Gale whisper quickly, his hand still holding my cheek. I wanted him to back off and decided I'd have to make that move. I wanted to go home now.

"It has, for me anyways. I need to go, I want to go home. Peeta needs me." As I step back he takes a step forward and now I wonder what his game is. Before I am able to stop his actions he's pulling me to him, lips feathering over my lips in just the briefest of a kiss.

"I still love you." He tries to go in for another kiss and this time I'm able to push him away. I subconsciously wipe my lips on the back of my hand as I look at him. I can see the hurt cross his face at the motion.

"I love Peeta. It's always been him. Maybe at one point I had feelings for you Gale, when we were younger. But Peeta is all I want and need."

"The one you can't survive without?" I nod, remembering a long time ago, in that cold basement of Tigris' little shop, hovering in between sleep and consciousness, listening to him and Peeta speak of me briefly before sleep over took me once more.

I leave the house, wondering if his entire family heard our conversation. Probably not, Rory was probably running the bakery in Peeta's absence. The heels of my feet are sore from running on the ground and I'm reminded of last night once more when I make my way back to the victor's village in my bare feet. I see the houses coming in view and decide to start running, wanting nothing more then to see Peeta now, to comfort him and tell him that every thing was going to be ok.

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><p>I get to the door and push it open. It's dark, the curtains drawn in all the rooms and I wonder where he is.<p>

"Peeta?" I call out to the dark and decide to start in the living room, opening the curtains to let in the morning light. I'm greeted with Haymitch's limp body on our couch, passed out. No surprise and I don't even question why he's at our house right now. The answer is obvious. Still no Peeta though.

"Peeta?" I call out once more and move to the kitchen next. I stop at the entry way when I see all the broken glass on the floor along with any items that had been on the table and counters. Most of the times are broken on the floor, usually after his episode he'd clean up the mess he made. Worry is starting to set in when I still don't see him.

I leave the mess behind as I now make my way up to the stairs to our room. The door is shut and I wonder if he is in there. I turn the door knob and open the door slowly, the room is also dark, curtains drawn. "Peeta?" I step into the room, making my way to the window to draw the curtains back, allow the natural light to brighten the room a bit. I turn back around and look the room over. I'm about the leave when I see movement behind the bed, in the corner and then a voice.

"Katniss?" It's raspy and quiet. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see blue eyes meet my own, I made my way over to him immediately.

"What are you doing up here, hiding?" I can see the red outline in his eyes, cuts covering his palms as his hands stay folded on his knees.

"I couldn't sleep last night, and then you didn't come home... I thought I had really hurt you." I see his eyes taking in my face and then turning away as they scan the bruise on my cheek, tears already getting ready to spill over. I can't bare the pain I'm seeing in the deep blues and move so that I'm kneeling over him, wrapping my arms around him to cradle his head against my chest.

"I'm fine. I just ended up falling asleep before I could help it. See? I'm ok." I hear a sob break through the quiet room as his tears soak into my shirt. My heart breaks a little more, seeing our roles reversed like this only makes his pain that much more for me. "Shh. It's ok, so stop worrying. We just need to talk about this. We'll get through this, ok? It's all going to be ok." I'm going around in circles as I speak, unable to stop the words from leaving my mouth. I just want him to be ok, to stop crying, to make him better. I feel so helpless as I rock him in my arms while he cries. What was I suppose to do? I can't even get the right words to make this better, he was the one who usually was in this position, comforting me while I cried to him. It's a while before we move from our position on the ground.

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><p>"Did you see Gale?" I startle at the question and look up from my place on the ground as I sweep up more glass off the floor. I made Peeta come down and sit at the table, giving him a glass of water to drink while I cleaned up the kitchen. I could tell out of the two of us that he was the one who hadn't slept last night. The bags were dark under his eyes, only making the sadness in his eyes that much more clear. I find no reason not to be honest. Isn't that what we were suppose to do, be honest with each other? Haymitch was long gone by now before we had made our way back downstairs. Probably worried about his geese being alone for so long.<p>

"I saw him this morning, he wasn't there when I got to Hazelle's house last night." I go back to sweeping up the glass and bits of food that littered our floor.

"Did you two talk?" I hear the apprehension in his voice.

"We did." I don't want to elaborate on it because I was still a bit mad at him for kissing me once and then trying to kiss me a second time and then try to convince me that my relationship with Peeta was wrong. "He kissed me." I almost didn't want to say it but I figured he had a right to know.

"Of course." It's merely a mumble but I caught it anyways. I shake my head, not impressed with this response.

"I pushed him away and left when he tried to kiss me a second time." I hear him hum lowly at this. I put the rest of the glass in the garbage can and stand at the table, stretching out.

"Why's Haymitch here?"

"He was waiting for you with me last night. You know he worries, even if he doesn't say it out loud."

"I know. Now let me see your feet, you didn't treat them." I had noticed the cuts on the sole of his foot and wondered if he had cleaned it at all. I bend down and take a look at his foot, cuts and some glass are still there as I look it over. I sigh, not saying anything as I get up and get our first aid kit from under the sink. I go to work on his foot when he speaks again.

"It's just like our time in the games, you always fixing me up." He's leaned down a bit so he can play with a strand of my hair and I hear him chuckle at what he's said. He's right. I give a small smile at it as well. "Katniss, about last night-"

"How long have they been happening. I mean so frequently?" I blurt out, cutting him off before he can get any further. That question had be gnawing on me all day. I feel him move back against his chair, the strand of my hair falling back into place.

"About a month now." He states, shame clear.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I don't look at him, keeping busy with picking glass out of his foot.

"I didn't want you to worry, I guess that's a joke. Look at how we've been since they happened. Last night was just a build up of them." He pauses for a second. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"Peeta, I know you didn't mean to. It wasn't you. I think maybe you should start talking to the psychiatrist here in town. See what they think." I know it's really contradictory for me to suggest him going, when I should be going for myself. But my problems seem so minor compared to his.

"I think I should too." I'm glad he agrees. I have his foot bandaged and I'm standing back up.

"There you go. All better." I give him as warm a smile as I can muster as I move to him, sliding my way between his legs so I can kiss him. "Don't brood over this ok? We're fine, everything can go back to how it usually is. It was just a momentary lapse in judgement, hm?" I give him another full kiss on his lips, trying to coax his lips to respond. I finally get the reaction I want and move so I'm straddling his lap, kissing him fully, encouraging him to encircle me with his strong arms.

I'm sure many people would be afraid of him if they had been in my position last night, but I could never fear him when he's just being Peeta, the man I'm madly in love with.

_The first night in a month we made love, gentle, sweet, slow._ Everything I forgot about and didn't realize I missed. I had come undone in his gentle embrace and loving words. That night I had felt felt something in me that reaffirmed how much I loved this man.

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><p>I had walked Peeta over to the doctor's office before I headed to the forest that day, he was going for his third session with the 'head doctor' as Johanna would call them. He had said they'd be discussing medications today. I told him I'd be out hunting for a bit and I'd come see him at the bakery afterwards. He had been going in later the days he went to see this doctor, but he insisted on still going to work and I wasn't going to tell him not to.<p>

Bow and arrows slung over my shoulder I made my way quickly and quietly into the forest, going in the complete opposite of the meadow, the grave site, into the thicker brushes. I managed to take down a squirrel when I heard a twig snap behind me. Arrow already ready and I turned, ready to let the arrow fly at whatever was behind me when I was met with a pair of eyes as grey as mine and hair as dark as my own.

"Hey Catnip." The nickname still had it's enduring qualities but his appearance was an almost unwelcomed surprise. I was still a little miffed over the kiss in his house two weeks ago. I lowered my bow and gave him a look of questioning. "I figured you'd come out here. Thought we could talk."

I ruffled my bangs with my right hand, trying to hide any annoyance I had for him. "What do you want to talk about?"

"About the day in my house. The kiss."

"Can't we just pretend it didn't happen? Can't you do something that's going to make me want to be friends with you again? Why do you have to be so difficult Gale?"

"You know why, the same reason you're so complicated." I roll my eyes when he gives me a smile. I notice then he's got his old bow with him as well. The forest would always be apart of us.

"Too much fire." I mumble quietly. "I need to get some game, so either you can help me or you can leave for now." I turn my back, not bothering to wait to see what his response will be. I know he'll follow. He's as quiet as I am and for a moment I feel like I'm twelve again, meeting his fourteen year old self in this very forest, deciding to team up knowing we'll bring in a bigger haul if we work together than on our own. A longing I hadn't paid mind to in a long time is there once more, calling out for my best friend once more.

Two hours later and we had managed to catch enough game to fill my bag. Everyone will be impressed with the load, I never brought this much back, mostly because I couldn't lift it.

I set the bag down and sit next to it in the grassy field near the fence. Gale joins me, sitting next to me.

"Thanks for helping." I say to him.

"We always did make a good team." I hear the smile in his voice but I don't look his way, I worry he's going to try and pull the same stunt again like he did two weeks ago. "How's Peeta?" I'm a little shocked that he's bringing Peeta up.

"Better. How's construction going?"

"We managed to finish another house. A few more families are planning on coming back soon."

"Are you planning to stay here permanently?" I ask him. I had been curious since people always seemed to be leaving here.

"I think so."

"What were you doing before in two? I saw you on the television a few times, never paid attention though as soon as I saw your face." I hear him chuckle.

"I was helping the military. When I came back, it was originally for a visit but then I realized how much I missed home. It's in our blood, District Twelve." It's true, many of us that were born and raised here have come back. I think my mom would too if it didn't hold so many painful memories and at least in Four she was able to pursue a medical career. No matter the hardships we endued in this district, it was home to us. "You think we'll ever be as close as we use to be?" He breaks me out of my thoughts with his question.

"Maybe one day." I say quietly. "Can you handle friend status? I'm a married woman you know." I glance over at him and see he's staring off in the opposite direction.

"Married. Who would have thought Katniss Everdeen would get married."

"Mallark now actually.. and like I said, we've changed." I look at the sun's direction and see it's high up in the sky now, signalling it's about noon. "Come on, I need to bring this haul into town before they buy from another person." I get up and wipe the dirt off my body. He gets up after me and moves to grab the game bag off the ground, slinging it on his shoulder, opposite of the shoulder that has his own bow over it. I decide to ask him one last question before we go back into town. "Do you think you'll ever get over your feelings for me, so it's not so awkward?"

"Maybe one day." Using the same answer I gave him moments before. I follow behind him as we cross under the fence. Though our relationship is far from what it was, there was hope of at least moving on for me.

**TBC...**

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><p><strong>AN:** Hey there, so another chapter. Longish. Um.. yeah. Let me know what you think. Curious to know if you think it's going in the right direction. I know some people don't like gale. I am not a Gale/Katniss shipper but I believe in friendship. So yeah, drop a comment, let me know your thoughts. Still a ways to go. Next chapter will probably be out some time next weekend.


	12. Author's Note Updates!

Hey guys!  
>A quick author's note again, updating you on everything!<p>So school has been kicking my butt, trying to finish my units before the summer holiday comes next month so that I can get my next course. I'm trying to finish my high school right now so that I can start applying to colleges for the winter semester next year. Oh, I'm not actually a teenager though, due to circumstances that happened when I was in my senior year I wasn't able to complete my last semester of high school. Things happened and now that I have time I've been working my on my last 4 credits, I'm 22 in case you're wondering.<br>Anyways, I have half of the next chapter completed but I've also been stuck with a MASSIVE writer's block. I'm trying to work through it but I've been stuck scrapping half the chapter because I didn't like the way it was going. So I am working on it and I'm hoping to get it out for you all some time this week.

I will be keeping this A/N up and will be just uploading chapter 12 after this one.

So please hold on a bit more and I'm hoping I didn't lose you guys from the long wait.

Also, if you like AU's check out my new story I've started called Girl Like You.  
>I've taken the basis of a korean drama I'm currently watching called Love Rain and used it in my story.<br>It's what inspired me to begin writing it. So if you check it out, review! As reviews are what is helping me write chapters, especially since it's allowing me to see how big of an audience I have for it. If interest isn't there I won't write another chapter, because I still have this one and it's an AU.

AS well, the collab I am still working on for Forever Waiting Forever Scared is still being worked upon by the two of us, it just seems like the both of us have a lot going on right now with real life, again. So if you've been keeping up with that story we will be getting another chapter out soon!

So that's all for the updates. I hope you guys will be around when chapter 12 is posted and hope to see feedback from you guys!

Reviews mean love. 3

-Fujin 


	13. Ch 12:Dream Fairy

A/N: Hi guys, gonna keep this short and to the point. I've had some personal issues going on this month, which I had put on my profile. Given the situation I haven't really had the inspiration to write... or do anything really. This chapter was started before everything happened and I've finished writing it recently. I hope it lives up to expectations. Please review and let me know how you liked it.

Question of the week: How do you feel about the new director choice? Don't remember his name, but he's directed I Am Legend and Water for Elephants. I still don't know how to feel about it to be honest.

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><p><strong>A Lullaby To Soothe the Demons<strong>

_**Chapter 12**_

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><p><em>3 Years 6 Months since returning to District 12<em>

_Peeta's POV_

Her lips make contact with mine once more in a dance as her hands wonder down my chest, touching every part of my skin with her rough, small fingers. I moan into our kiss and she takes advantage by pushing her tongue between my lips to coax mine own tongue out. She shifts until she's laying on top of me, laying against my body with her own, arms on either side of my head, elbows keeping her propped up enough while her hands tangle in my golden locks. I feel every part of her flush against me as she pulls away from our kiss, panting heavily. Her cheeks are flushed and I see the flush runs down to cover just the top of her chest. Seeing her like this; so vulnerable yet so strong makes my heart flutter; no matter how many times we make love this feeling always creeps up on me and I wonder if it'll always be this way. I think some times it has to do with the fact that I'm the only one who gets to see her like this.

She moves back to kiss me once more and I feel her hips grind down onto my own, I moan into our kiss, feeling myself harden with every little movement she makes and I can't help myself as I let my hands travel down the expense of her own body, letting my finger tips trail down the smooth skin of her back until they reach her own clothed hips to press her more firmly to me. I want nothing more than to be naked right now with her, to let her have me the way she wants me.

Honestly, this was just a nice way to wake up in the morning, usually I was already out the door heading to the bakery when she was getting up to get ready to hunt. She still wasn't sure as to what she wanted to do in town yet. I told her that she'd probably do great at helping the rebuild project going on but she had disagreed, then more out of humour, I suggested she come work with me. The glare she had thrown my way would have killed me if looks could kill.

I'm distracted once more from my thoughts when she moves off my body to lay next to me, a hand already making a heated trail down my chest once more and finding it's way to the hem of my loose fitting pj pants, brushing against the member that is now rigid with want. I sigh out when her petite hand circles around it at the base, tightening the grip just a bit, the way I like it, before giving it a long, slow stroke.

"Katniss..." her name escapes my lips in a moan when she strokes me again. Her lips are kissing my chest, leaving a burning trail in their wake when she sets a steady rhythm with her hand. I want more, to feel more of her but I don't push it. We're working on keeping the control equal, or at least let her have as much control as possible these days. It's part of the healing process I had begun again in the last couple months. Though I was still getting flashes I was starting to grasp control over them once more, like I had when I first returned back to district twelve.

I jerk my hips when her warm tongue flicks over my nipple, I'm always so sensitive when she touches me. Funny, yes. I feel it coming, I'm close within her grasp. I can feeling it only moments away, my toes are curling, her hand is moving faster, and that's when there's a very loud knock coming from downstairs, at the front door. It distracts us both instantly and my release, I know, is now far from me.

"Shit." I say. Katniss only snickers at my use of words. It _had_ been a good start to the day, for a little while anyways.

* * *

><p>"I told 'em idiots that you wouldn't be willing to make an appearance. It's tooooo soon." Haymitch is sitting at the kitchen table, words slurred as he relays the message to us. The capitol had contacted him, Paylor had been the one to deliver the message himself on the phone, as far as Haymitch has said. They wanted Katniss to come and do an interview on the post-war events throughout Panem. I had been mentioned in passing. "Sweetheart, you're not ready for that shit yet." I look over to Katniss, who sat across from Haymitch at the table, I stayed at the end of it, standing as I watched. Her face is emotionless, as it usually is when the capitol is mentioned. Regardless of the fact that it was different, it still held the memories of what happened. The games, the war, the many pointless deaths.<p>

"When do they want to do this?" I ask the question both of us are probably wondering.

"Psh. Next month. Fucking idiots if you ask me. Paylor is much better than Coin or Snow but really, they think we need to relive our 'glory days'." He almost spits on the ground when he's done speaking. His dislike for the government had never went away, the memories were too strong to ever get past what really happened.

I see Katniss look down to her hands, the wheels turning silently as she thinks over all of this. I'd follow her and back her up on whatever she chose, but I really didn't see this as a good idea.

"Do they just want Katniss going?" I ask again, Haymitch gives me a grin.

"Oh course not, they want to gather all the surviving victors and do a special. They just want an exclusive interview with the Mockingjay. The reason the rebellion won. Apparently they think she's sane enough now to do it, I beg to differ." He laughs at his own little joke, which isn't really funny but he's hammered, as usual. His mind isn't sober enough to differentiate between what was funny and what was serious at the moment. I'm sure the call had only spurred on his binge this afternoon.

"Even Johanna and Annie?" He laughs at my question.

"Isn't that obvious?" We hadn't seen Johanna since returning to district twelve and her seven. I had wondered how she had been holding up. She had sent letters once in a while to Katniss, the two keeping in touch but I hadn't heard much. "Oh loverboy, you think they'd leave us alone forever? You know them. Even though we fought for our freedom it's never truly going to be ours." I sigh out. If I had known this was the news Haymitch had for us this morning I would have just ignored the door and continued on with the activities we had been busy with. I'm frustrated.

"How long would we be there?" I look at Katniss now, shocked that she was asking.

"You're not actually thinking of going there are you?" I ask, anger rising in me.

"If I go now, then they'll leave me alone later, right? It's better to get it over with. We knew the day would come one day."

"They said a week. I assume they'll want to do propos and what not, show the nation that the Mockingjay is still in one whole piece and doing well even after the war. I told them I would get back to them and let them know of our decision. You know I'll be behind you on whatever your choice is, Sweetheart." We both know Haymitch will probably always stand behind Katniss on her choices, even if some times they're not always the best of decisions, but that's what makes him part of our little family.

I look at Katniss now, watch as the wheels turn in her mind as she processes everything.

"Tell them we'll do it. I'll contact Johanna about it, I'm sure she'll come if all of us agree to it. But there'll be conditions on us coming. I refuse to stay in the mansion, there's too many things linked that the spot." Haymitch and I nod in agreement with that. I don't know if Katniss could handle being in the same spot her sister died at, not yet. I've noticed that she's slowly moving on and coming to terms with Prim's death but it's been a slow process, I rather not have anything set her back. I also feared a little of what that place may do to me. It may set off another episode and I've already gone through enough of those to last me a life time.

"Also, we won't do anything that we're not comfortable doing. I'm not going to get forced into doing propos with them if I don't feel right about it." Haymitch nods at this, I doubt they'll get him to do much but we both know they'll want Katniss to do as many propos as possible, since she was the symbol for the rebellion.

"Alright, I'll call them and let them know tonight. In the mean time I'd start preparing for this journey, both of you. We will have to expect the worst when we go. I'll keep you both in the loop about anything else." We stay seated at the table and watch our old mentor stumble his way out of our house. The news really couldn't come at a worst timing though for us.

She finally breaks the silence once more that has settled in the house, bringing me out of my gloomy thoughts.

"I should try and call Johanna, it'll be quicker than sending her a letter." She's started chewing on what little nail is left on her fingers, a nervous habit she's developed over the years. "I'm sure she won't be any more pleased about this than us. But it'll be nice to see her."

"Hm. I'm sure she'll agree to go since we're going at least. The more support we have the better, for everyone." I say as I get up from the table, thinking of what to make for lunch for us.

"Next month, that's only two weeks away. We'll have to start packing soon." She's trying to be calm about this but I know there's a battle going on inside her as she speaks. This was hard for her and it wasn't something she was intending to ever do; go back to the Capitol where everything happened. I still wasn't fond of the idea myself. The torture I had endured there when I was captured was still fresh in my mind.

"Peeta? Are you sure you want to come?" I look over to her from my spot by the counter, in the process of grabbing flour to start baking some bread. I mull the question over in my head, wondering if I really wanted to go. The answer was obvious. No. I didn't want to go but I wouldn't let my wife go by herself, I had already lost many moments with her in the past because of that place, I didn't want to lose any more.

"No. But I want to go because you're going. I don't want you to go by yourself." I turn back and start measuring my dry ingredients into a large bowl when I feel slim arms wrap around my torso.

"But after everything that's happened to you, wouldn't it be bad to go back there? After what they did..." I hear her sigh as she stops talking. Stopping what I'm doing I turn around in her arms and hold her close to me, breathing in the scent of her hair.

"I'll be ok. We've both faced a lot of trouble because of that place, but it's not the same any more. I'd like to believe it's a better place than it once was. I'm going with you like it or not. We'll get through this together." I feel her nod against my chest and her arms tighten around me in reassurance.

"I better go call Johanna before I forget." Her arms slip from around me and she pulls away to head to the living room where our phone is. I watch her back until it disappears around the corner.

I lean against the counter and take in a shaky breath. If I just keep telling myself that it'll be ok then maybe it would be true.

* * *

><p>The train is just pulling in as we get the station, we only have a duffle bag filled with the little clothing and items we have, we've never needed much. I feel her hand tighten around mine as the train comes to a stop and the doors open. An attendant comes out and gives us a welcoming smile.<p>

"Please step this way everyone. We'll be leaving in five minutes. Each of you have a room and behalf of the capitol we thank you for agreeing to come. We'll be arriving in the capitol tomorrow morning, after with pick up Miss Manson and Ms Cresta." He's polite at least. I give one more look to Katniss and then Haymitch before I lead the way into the train. It's not as fancy as the one we once occupied years ago during the games and that already helps a little.

We find our rooms, surprised to see that they have given Katniss and I separate rooms. It's an unspoken agreement that we use my room as we enter it and close the door behind us. I set our bag on the bed and look at the room. There's a bathroom off to the left and a large bed with silk sheets in the middle. It's not as extravagant as our rooms once were on the trains. We are just opening the bag when a knock is heard. Katniss gives me a weary look as she gets up to answer it.

"I'll be escorting you all to the capitol, Catnip." I feel the colour drain from my face as I see Gale on the other side of the door.

TBC

* * *

><p>AN: so not a super long chapter, but it's getting the story along. Kind of a filler and I'm kind of feeling like it's not as good as I want it to be. Better than what it would have been two weeks ago though. Anyways, let me know what you think in a review! Thanks for sticking by this story! And hopefully the next chapter won't take me as long to update as this one did!


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